The World According to Kay

Many of you know that my mom’s name was Katherine (hence this blog name, Katherine’s Daughter), and that she passed last January 2022. Lots of things have been going through my mind about her. Times spent together, her last couple of years, and the pearls of wisdom she bestowed upon me and many others. I want to share some of the latter.

There were those aesthetic things. She’d never wear pumps without hose (even knee highs were better than nothing). Her clothes were always pressed, and she loved a bit of perfume on herself. Mom didn’t have many outfits but the ones she had were always nice.

Mom and a very young Penny, at church.

She never wanted to wear old, frumpy types of shoes or boots. In my teens, I remember she had a very stylish type of black boot, with fur around the ankle. They had a kitten heel and I don’t know how she even walked in them in the snow. As she aged, she loved a simple pair of white Keds for shopping, and a pair of black, black patent Clarks loafers for dressy occasions.

Mom went to Vegas a couple of times with my dad (on business) and I still have a pair of clip on, bling hoops that she came back with. She wore them many times to dances and even though they’re not my style, I love having them in my jewelry box. As she aged, she preferred simple jewelry- a pair of pearl earrings, her gold cross on Sundays, and the seasonal pins I loved to buy for her.

As for the pearls of wisdom, mom had many. She believed that if you made a wrong turn, you were meant to go that way and you should just keep going. Also, if you waited long enough, most problems would be solved, usually by God.

She had an unwavering faith and loved everything about our church. The people, the music, the Greek Orthodox Liturgy. She knew the hymns inside out and though she couldn’t hear a word the priest was saying for the last years of her life, we always sat under the choir loft where she could sing quietly to herself.

Special hymns at certain times of the years would bring back memories. Sometimes she’d cry over them because they reminded her of her childhood. It was very touching.

For baking and cooking, mom never used margarine, always Land O Lakes butter. And always Mazola oil or Wesson, not extra virgin olive oil (that I use and love). She touted fresh ingredients and almost always cooked from scratch every night. Growing up, we never ate a TV dinner or a pot pie. She loved to cook and went through a period when she stopped at the grocery store every day, just so she could prepare whatever she was hungry for.

In baking, she bought fresh staples whenever she’d make Greek cookies. Baking soda, baking powder especially, because she knew from experience that older boxes of these things could really turn a recipe wonky.

I think most of all, mom taught me to be a class act. This meant modesty in clothing and jewelry. It was presenting myself with poise and self respect. Standing up straight and having a smile on my face. Being kind and helpful. It meant never letting myself publicly engage in swearing, mean behavior, or acts unbecoming to a lady.

More and more, I realize I was really blessed and lucky to have had her for all the years that I did. Thank you Mom.

On Embracing a Less Hectic Life

Plenty of time for grandchildren lately.

Hello and happy fall 2020.

How are you? I hope you are well and staying safe. This is how many of my emails and text messages started out during the past several months. Sometimes I can’t believe what we are living through. Going into a store and seeing everyone in masks (generally) is now routine. Politics aside, I’m grateful that many in my area make this choice. Thank you to those that do.

Back in early spring, it became clear that the virus was around to stay. Several of my weddings rescheduled and initially I was worried, but then I wasn’t. As a person who has a hard time committing to a lighter schedule, it was a blessing of sorts to be forced into a quarantine bubble. It felt a little funny, but really, it felt like a relief.

No more pushing myself to do another thing, make another meeting, or meet a new social contact. I could stay in my pajamas until noon (without guilt!), drink endless coffee or tea, and unselfishly nap in the afternoon. I binge watched The Crown and Virgin River, and re-watched old movies. When I finally grew bored, I painted my kitchen and dining room. I reveled in hanging new decor, donating bags of stuff I didn’t want anymore, and rearranging my closets.

Summer brought the garden, lush with zucchini, peppers, and tomatoes. I bought zinnias early and put them into pots, later transplanting them into the ground when it was safe. I stood up to the weeds, then gradually gave into them as the summer grew hotter. We watched as new retaining walls went up in our front driveway, long overdue. Friends (and strangers) wanted our raw honey and we were happy to oblige. My sister in law’s little backyard pool became a haven.

What frame of mind have I embraced during this time? It is ok to slow down. I can indulge myself and my family with any amount of time I want. I don’t have to do everything that comes my way- I can choose to say no. Money is just money. There are other things more important. These are the inspirational gifts I feel I’ve been given during this time.

I downloaded a book- Jim Lahey’s My Bread. It so inspired me that I ordered a five quart cast iron Dutch oven to bake rustic bread loaves. The recipe is easy and the bread is amazing. I baked bread a few years ago but abandoned it due to my own busy schedule. Now I have the time, and I love it. You can’t get anything simpler or more joyful than baking bread.

What have you discovered about yourself during this pandemic? What changes have you made? What do you think you’ll hold onto after it’s all over?

I’ve learned that I can slow down and not feel guilty about it. It is my hope that after this time is all over (and it will be over eventually), I can continue to prioritize myself and my family. Committing to a less hectic schedule is something I’m set on accomplishing.

Be well. Stay safe.

Message in a Chocolate

Within the confines of my current life situation, I am finding that little things have plenty of meaning. Where previously I might never have paid attention, for instance, to my peeling porch swing, I now find myself unable to take my eyes away from the paint job it so desperately needs.

I haven’t had time for that porch swing for ages. When we renovated the outside of our home years ago, I painted it bright red. It was a nice contrast to the white siding, blue trim, and blue shutters on the house. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The trim around my house is still blue, but that porch swing has really faded. Right now it’s in the basement, being primed for a fresh coat of paint.

I have always paid attention to certain things in my house, such as my plants, including my gardenia, cleanliness, organization, and good meals. Staying on top of things is important to me, even if I over do this to a certain extent. But lately, with more free time on my hands, and the world a little scarier, I find myself a bit more grateful, and well, humble.

I always read the messages inside of my favorite chocolates, but rarely did I keep them. Lately, I find myself not only reading them, but saving them. Those little pieces of silver foil are all over my house. Their tiny messages are my little inspirations of hope. Yes, I’ve certainly read them before but lately, why are they so poignant?

This one says, “Book the flight.” Well, how can I? The pandemic has shut just about everything down, including flights. We have no idea when we are going to be able to be on vacation again. Thankfully I didn’t have any big plans. Still, I keep this one because optimistically I think, we will book flights again someday.

“Live your life every day with no regrets. It’ll be worth it.” Now, this makes sense. I’m not doing much of anything so there’s less to regret. I’m happy with a warm cup of coffee, my slippers, and a good piece of chocolate.

“Keep life moving forward, looking backward is only for time travelers.” Another bit of sensible advice. Although memories, right now, can be comforting. I’m thinking about going through a box of old pictures some evening. (I’ve been meaning to do that for awhile now)

This last one, “Hands are meant to be held”, can probably make me cry if I think too much about it. I haven’t hugged my adult children in almost four weeks. I have been lightly hugging my mother but no kissing on the cheek as we always did. The first week or two of quarantine, I barely embraced my husband, likely out of some paralysis over the whole virus scare. Finally, I said to him one day, “I need a hug.” We squeezed each other and I’m hugging him more often.

This situation, this pandemic, has caused so much change in our lives. To avoid holding hands, hugging, and embracing one other is hard. I can’t wait to get back to physical contact. Until then, I’ll keep reading (and saving) those messages in my chocolates.

Opening photo credit- Christiann Koepke.

Check out my other new blog on WordPress- Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Take a Vacation

My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)

It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.

I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.

What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.

Beautiful Siesta Key Beach

When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.

If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.

Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.

I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.

PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.

Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.

Hibernate

Penny, when she was almost one. Now she’s almost three.

It’s January and the holidays have past. How can that be? It seems like they came and went in the blink of an eye. So much anticipation, planning, gift buying, tree trimming, celebrating (I could go on and on) and boom, here we are.

Though it’s all over, there is something about winter. I don’t like the lack of sunlight, but I do love the quiet. It’s just yes, quieter. As I write this it is snowing and the plow truck has been going up and down my lane all evening, scraping the snow from the road.

When the temperature is above freezing, I love to go outside and pick up sticks. I have the luxury of making a small backyard fire whenever I wish. The smell is so good and Jordan, my trusty lab, loves to sit close. At age thirteen now, I think she warms her bones.

I am keeping my bird feeder filled up as best I can. There are three squirrels at least that are stealing the seed, hanging upside down acrobat style, and getting whatever they can out of the small holes. Sometimes I bang hard on my window and they go running off like the caught bandits they are. Other times, I let it go, thinking they need to eat too. As long as the other birds keep coming (and they do), I’m ok with it.

Norja V

I’ve been writing, cleaning, lounging, hibernating, staying in touch with friends, and generally doing the best I can to do nothing. Honestly, that’s the truth. I turned 61 in November and I can feel the tide changing. I’m no longer as motivated to push myself. It’s too much work and for a person who has pushed herself forever, I am working at just being. It’s not easy.

So I start with hibernating. I leave my jammies on a little extra longer in the morning. I don’t try and cram my schedule full of stuff to do. If I don’t feel like cooking much, Jim and I eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I pick and choose what I want to participate in.

I am not rich. But I am beyond wealthy when it comes to friends, family, and my spiritual life. I was surrounded by my close family, cousins, children, and grandchildren over the holidays. So many of my friends do not live by their children or grands. Blessed is how I describe it.

Over the years, I have worked at being fully engaged. In my home, I do my best to invite, cook, decorate, and be of assistance. Someday it will be my children’s turn to do this. I am already feeling it will be bittersweet. Though I look forward to it, I know I will let go slowly. I will offer to help, to bring something, and supply grocery gift cards when needed.

And I’ll do my best to cherish and enjoy every moment.

  • “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Weightless

Summer is coming to an end. It has been a wonderful season for me, full of family, friends, and sunshine. I have enjoyed my mornings, sitting outside, listening to the birds, and having my first coffee.  Sitting in the sun has done much for my well being. I read, and most recently, I have started to journal.

I have been trying to put my health more to the fore front. Aging is no picnic and I’m not a fan of exercise. I’m a fan of food. Growing up in a big Greek family, we planned meals ahead of time and they were joyous. I love sweets and that’s probably been one of my biggest weaknesses the last few years.

Lately, I started following a few life and health coaches via social media. I read their posts and began to be more conscious of the choices I was making. I still “sweeted” too much, but I began to eat more vegetables in their natural states, less red meat, and more fish and other healthier options. I have a long time blogger friend who has educated me on smoothies and eating foods with less preservatives. I’ve really benefited from her education.

This week, there was a meeting of a group that I had previously attended. The guest speaker was Matt Scoletti and he is a personal trainer. Matt just published his first book, The First Fifteen. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on going. I thought, What do I need with a personal trainer? I hate exercise!

But something nudged me. I picked up my friend and we went together (always better!). And guess what? I really enjoyed Matt’s talk. He spoke of his alcoholic college life and his turning point (I love those moments). I left completely blown away by his presentation.

Here’s what he said that I liked. He said to make small changes slowly. Diets don’t work (I agree), and real change comes from mindset and within. Matt said the first fifteen minutes of your day is what will define the rest of the day. Drink water, journal, and get going. I like that.

I read the first chapter of Matt’s book the next morning. I’ve read three more chapters since and I’m taking my time so I can absorb it. My motivation is definitely up. Thank you Matt.

In the same vein of energizing, I want to share a video of a talk I gave this past spring. (Thank you to my sister Mary for taping me!) I have not shared it publicly but I’m thinking it’s time to do so. I’m a wedding planner but I’m also a motivational speaker and a writer/author. We all have God given talents and gifts. Let’s share them.

I hope you order Matt’s book and mine if you haven’t already read it! Have a blessed week!

Happy 65th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

I happened to ask my mom the other day, If Dad was still around, what anniversary would you be celebrating this year? Mom replied that she and my dad were married in 1953 so on June 21st, they would be celebrating 65 years of marriage.

Over the years, I’ve heard many stories from my mother about their courtship. Mom spied Dad for the first time at Jeannie Drizos’ wedding around 1951. She lost track of him for a little bit but they reconnected in 1952. Shortly after, my dad gave her an engagement ring.

When I interviewed Mom for this post, here’s what she told me about her wedding.  They were married at St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church in Monessen, PA. Their reception was also in Monessen, at the Sokol Hall, and they had a live band. The Manis Brothers were an all mandolin band. I would have loved to have heard that! My Uncle Bil Gameos was living in New York City at the time and mom said she remembers that he performed a live dance number for them.

Mom said her gown was modeled after Queen Elizabeth’s wedding dress. A few years ago, my daughter Michelene, modeled it at an event in Sewickley, PA. It is still a stunning gown to this day. The bridesmaid’s dresses, which are also WOW!, were bought at Kaufmann’s downtown, as was my mother’s gown.

My mom said they went to Cuba for their honeymoon!

My mom has two very old, very beautiful albums. The pictures are still heavily glued in place. This is why you will see the pages of the albums (below) and not scanned pictures.

My dad passed away 21 years ago this month. It was Father’s Day and Pentecost. He is sorely missed. I thought it would be a wonderful tribute to both of my parents to write this blog and share some of their pictures.

Enjoy this walk back in time! Please write any comments for my mom (now 89 years young) here on this blog, or on my Facebook post. I will be sure and share them with her.

xo Joanne

Confessions of an Anticipater

You Are Enough, from the upcoming Kindness Rocks Garden, Clinton, PA.

I grew up with years of conditioning to be an anticipater. My mother was the queen of hospitality and loved to bake and cook. She kept an immaculate home. When she and my dad entertained, there was always too much food but it was so good that none of us ever minded the leftovers.

When we invite friends or family over, we anticipate how many people, how much food, what will guests need or want to drink. This anticipating serves us well and in my work as a wedding planner, it serves me even better. I am constantly looking ahead to what’s next when it comes to weddings and the big day. Whatever the bride, groom, their respective families, and the guests need, both Sara and I will deliver on.

These same characteristics that serve me so well in my line of work do not always serve me in normal living. As a person who is committed to “letting go” of trivial matters and over planning, it is a challenge to wrestle my elite planning skills with my desire to live a simpler life.

Spontaneity is not one of my greatest characteristics. Yet I do try and be so, especially when I have no desire to cook for myself. I search for a friend who might be available for breakfast,  lunch, or just shopping. It used to be that I had to plan these things ahead of time. Well, no more.

I have several friends that I can reach out to who will likely meet me on the spur of the moment. If I can’t find one available, I simply take a book and go myself. No planning necessary there.

If I want to live life as a spiritual journey, I have to be open to whatever is sent my way. Control is best given up. Life is so much easier when it is allowed to unfold any way it wants. Sometimes the best things happen when we least expect them to.

I have a friend who likes to say, “God has a plan for us but we are not on the planning committee.” So true. Divine love is best experienced without boundaries or borders.

Savor the Moments

My 60th birthday lunch!

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season. Can you believe it is 2018? It’s here!

For the past several years I’ve treated myself to a Word of the Year.  Why? It’s a compass for guidance and motivation to study and work on myself. In the past I’ve chosen Joy, Believe, and Happiness for my words of the year.

How do I use the word? I simply keep it in my thoughts, meditations, and prayers. If I am faced with a challenging situation, I bring my word to mind and contemplate how I can use it to change my perspective. I always choose positive words (never negative), and you would not believe how a simple word can change a depressing problem into a spiritual opportunity. I choose books, readings, and podcasts that also help me study my wonderful word.

The last few weeks the word SAVOR has popped into my head over and over again. I looked up the definition and here’s what I found:

SAVOR: noun

1. The quality in a substance that affects the sense of taste or of smell.

2. A particular taste or smell.

3. Distinctive quality or property.

4. Power to excite or interest.

Source: Dictionary.com

I love the fourth definition! The Power to Excite or Interest. What do I intend to SAVOR, to be excited about? Well, many things! I want to savor time, tastes, and experiences. As a Greek American, I love wonderful food, especially if it is shared with family and friends.

I want to savor moments with my family, especially my grandchildren, as I know how precious these times really are. My wedding families give me the opportunity to savor, and this is not just about the cookie table! God has placed me in this position to make a difference in the lives of brides, grooms, their parents and guests. I’m there to keep the calm, take the stress off the day, and use my knowledge and gifts to oversee a day they will not forget.

I also want to be more mindful of how and what I eat. Healthier choices, less guilt, and more savoring are important to me. I’ve been conscious lately of slowing down and enjoying my food. This is hard for a busy person like me. I often eat with other things in mind (like what I have to do next!). I can also be an emotional eater (chocolate!) so I’m really trying to acknowledge my feelings when I’m stressed or worried.

It is coming up on five years that I left a full time position to help my mother. It’s hard to believe its been that long. Sometimes hard, always rewarding, I feel like I can finally breathe a bit better about the future and where I am going. This is not for everyone but I am glad I chose this route. There’s a book submission in my future and this is the topic I have chosen to write about- Caring for our Elderly Parents. If you are assisting an elderly parent(s) in any way, even if you are working part or full time, and have a story to share, I want to hear from you. Email me at joannejamiscain@gmail.com.

As you savor your New Year, I hope you take the time to make one positive change. Maybe choose your own word, start a gratitude journal, begin a three minute meditation practice, or start an exercise program. Touch base with me occasionally and let me know how you’re doing. I look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

My 60th Birthday

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
― Maya Angelou

The Jamis Girls at Poros, Pittsburgh

It has been a wonderful week. Turning 60 has been a happy experience for me in many ways. My sisters (who both live in NC) came home for the week which of course, happened to be Thanksgiving as well.

I wanted a few close family and friends on my actual birthday. No fancy stuff; just pizza and cake. It wasn’t about the food, it was about love and friendships. Penny was there of course and though she wouldn’t sit on my lap, she loved watching everyone sing. John and Jess gave me a blanket with their wedding pictures all over it. What fun!

Too many candles!

What have I learned by this age? Well, I’ll tell you. I’ve learned that I can be myself and if people like me for who I am, that’s great. If not, I’m ok with that. I have a smaller circle of friends but I kind of like it that way. I don’t have the stamina that I used to have, but I still have plenty of energy. I will make time for anyone who wants to talk to me (about anything). My ministries are important to me (my mother and FOCUS) and my love for writing and blogging has only increased.

My faith is my guiding light and it keeps me centered. I try and remember to be grateful every day for the blessings that surround me.

My sisters planned a gift for me that they thought would arrive on my birthday. It did not and though Mary was upset, I was fine with it. They took me to lunch on Wednesday to Poros, and my daughter and two cousins showed up.  I didn’t know Nini and Lisa were coming until the last minute. I love surprises. Then we decided to text my cousin Nick (who works around the corner) and he came within twenty minutes! Wow!

Wonderful time!

So the day after Thanksgiving we finally all met at a coffee shop and my gift had arrived. Imagine my surprise when it was a hardcover book of my first three years of every Katherine’s Daughter post! I cried a bit when I saw this. I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was!

What a great gift!

Last night I sat down for a while and read the book. It was wonderful to read my posts from the beginning. It was very insightful and I was frankly, a little proud of myself. I couldn’t believe how much I accomplished.

My sister Mary wanted to motivate me to think about compiling my favorite posts into a book. I told her she has succeeded and this is definitely inspiring me to sit down and do the work.

Thank you to my sisters, mom, Jim, Michelene, Jessica, John, Penny and all of you who made my birthday so special. The blessings, wishes, and love from all of you have filled me with joy.

*Do you have a blog you’d like to turn into a book? My sisters used Blog2Print. They’re having a Cyber Monday sale right now so use the code SHOPCOZY for 35% off. 

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