The World According to Kay

Many of you know that my mom’s name was Katherine (hence this blog name, Katherine’s Daughter), and that she passed last January 2022. Lots of things have been going through my mind about her. Times spent together, her last couple of years, and the pearls of wisdom she bestowed upon me and many others. I want to share some of the latter.

There were those aesthetic things. She’d never wear pumps without hose (even knee highs were better than nothing). Her clothes were always pressed, and she loved a bit of perfume on herself. Mom didn’t have many outfits but the ones she had were always nice.

Mom and a very young Penny, at church.

She never wanted to wear old, frumpy types of shoes or boots. In my teens, I remember she had a very stylish type of black boot, with fur around the ankle. They had a kitten heel and I don’t know how she even walked in them in the snow. As she aged, she loved a simple pair of white Keds for shopping, and a pair of black, black patent Clarks loafers for dressy occasions.

Mom went to Vegas a couple of times with my dad (on business) and I still have a pair of clip on, bling hoops that she came back with. She wore them many times to dances and even though they’re not my style, I love having them in my jewelry box. As she aged, she preferred simple jewelry- a pair of pearl earrings, her gold cross on Sundays, and the seasonal pins I loved to buy for her.

As for the pearls of wisdom, mom had many. She believed that if you made a wrong turn, you were meant to go that way and you should just keep going. Also, if you waited long enough, most problems would be solved, usually by God.

She had an unwavering faith and loved everything about our church. The people, the music, the Greek Orthodox Liturgy. She knew the hymns inside out and though she couldn’t hear a word the priest was saying for the last years of her life, we always sat under the choir loft where she could sing quietly to herself.

Special hymns at certain times of the years would bring back memories. Sometimes she’d cry over them because they reminded her of her childhood. It was very touching.

For baking and cooking, mom never used margarine, always Land O Lakes butter. And always Mazola oil or Wesson, not extra virgin olive oil (that I use and love). She touted fresh ingredients and almost always cooked from scratch every night. Growing up, we never ate a TV dinner or a pot pie. She loved to cook and went through a period when she stopped at the grocery store every day, just so she could prepare whatever she was hungry for.

In baking, she bought fresh staples whenever she’d make Greek cookies. Baking soda, baking powder especially, because she knew from experience that older boxes of these things could really turn a recipe wonky.

I think most of all, mom taught me to be a class act. This meant modesty in clothing and jewelry. It was presenting myself with poise and self respect. Standing up straight and having a smile on my face. Being kind and helpful. It meant never letting myself publicly engage in swearing, mean behavior, or acts unbecoming to a lady.

More and more, I realize I was really blessed and lucky to have had her for all the years that I did. Thank you Mom.

Jim and I Celebrate 40 Years of Marriage

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was May 10, 1980 and I was at the VIP in Baden. Having just arrived, I turned down an offer to dance with my girlfriends and instead decided to sit down for a few minutes. I was wearing light green Calvin Klein jeans and a silky top.

In those days, I was selling cars at my dad’s Nissan dealership. I drove a 280Z to the VIP that night. But I’d worked all day and I’m sure I was just relaxing until the desire to dance kicked in.

A Nissan 280Z. Wow, what a car. Source.

At this same moment, my future husband saw me from across the room, sitting by myself at an otherwise empty table full of drink glasses. He later said, “I could have heard a pin drop.”

He came to the table and asked if we could talk. I told him to “keep walking.” I watched him circle the big room and come back to me again. This time, my Greek instinct for hospitality kicked in and I told him to sit down.

We spent the whole evening together. He wasn’t a dancer but we talked and played pin ball together (I love pin ball). He said he’d walk me to my car and on the way out, he picked up his fedora to go with the minty green leisure suit he was wearing.

As I arrived at my car, he asked if I’d like to do something fun. I said ok and gave him my work phone number. He called me every day for a month and I consistently gave him excuses why I couldn’t go out.

Finally he told me he was going to stop calling me if we didn’t get together. I agreed and we had a fabulous time. We went to Kennywood and a nice Italian restaurant called Pompeo’s. Six months later we were engaged. One year later, to the day, we were married.

Our rehearsal dinner was at my parent’s house, complete with a roast lamb on a spit. My mom and my aunts went over the top with all their Greek specialties- pastichio, stuffed grape leaves, and homemade pastries. My dad manned the bar with shots of ouzo for all.

The day we were married, May 10, 1981, was a Sunday and it was Mother’s Day. I remember my Greek Orthodox priest, Father Kiramarios, saying it was a day to honor all women. We had a big Greek wedding with lots of friends, a big cake from Keystone Bakery, and a three piece bouzouki band. The Barlamas family catered and everyone had a huge baked chicken dinner. My godparents and their family came from Charleston, SC. It was a day to remember.

Photography by Dan McConnell. Loved that beautiful cake by Keystone Bakery!

Six months later I was pregnant with my daughter, Michelene, and four years later my son John was born. Now we have two beautiful grandchildren, Gavin and Penelope Katherine.

The marriage ceremony in the Greek Orthodox church is especially beautiful. To Jim and I, marriage is sacred- a vow between two people, in front of God, to love and cherish each other. It is not to be taken lightly. In my career choice as a wedding planner, I always try to keep this in mind when I am helping my couples.

To have been married on Mother’s Day is a great blessing. When the time comes around each year, it is as though I am doubly blessed to have both so close together. My feeling about marriage is this- love one another, work things out, don’t give up, and seek help when you need it, whether from clergy or otherwise. Keep God in your life so you have a heavenly perspective on things.

Please bless us with your prayers for many more years together.

Love,

Joanne

Take a Vacation

My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)

It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.

I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.

What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.

Beautiful Siesta Key Beach

When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.

If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.

Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.

I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.

PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.

Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.

Happy 65th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

I happened to ask my mom the other day, If Dad was still around, what anniversary would you be celebrating this year? Mom replied that she and my dad were married in 1953 so on June 21st, they would be celebrating 65 years of marriage.

Over the years, I’ve heard many stories from my mother about their courtship. Mom spied Dad for the first time at Jeannie Drizos’ wedding around 1951. She lost track of him for a little bit but they reconnected in 1952. Shortly after, my dad gave her an engagement ring.

When I interviewed Mom for this post, here’s what she told me about her wedding.  They were married at St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church in Monessen, PA. Their reception was also in Monessen, at the Sokol Hall, and they had a live band. The Manis Brothers were an all mandolin band. I would have loved to have heard that! My Uncle Bil Gameos was living in New York City at the time and mom said she remembers that he performed a live dance number for them.

Mom said her gown was modeled after Queen Elizabeth’s wedding dress. A few years ago, my daughter Michelene, modeled it at an event in Sewickley, PA. It is still a stunning gown to this day. The bridesmaid’s dresses, which are also WOW!, were bought at Kaufmann’s downtown, as was my mother’s gown.

My mom said they went to Cuba for their honeymoon!

My mom has two very old, very beautiful albums. The pictures are still heavily glued in place. This is why you will see the pages of the albums (below) and not scanned pictures.

My dad passed away 21 years ago this month. It was Father’s Day and Pentecost. He is sorely missed. I thought it would be a wonderful tribute to both of my parents to write this blog and share some of their pictures.

Enjoy this walk back in time! Please write any comments for my mom (now 89 years young) here on this blog, or on my Facebook post. I will be sure and share them with her.

xo Joanne

Things My Mother Taught Me

Photo by Karen Long Kern. (LtoR) My sister Mary, sister Cally, Mom, Me
Photo by Karen Long Kern. (LtoR) My sister Mary, sister Cally, Mom, Me

“I wondered if my smile was as big as hers. Maybe as big. But not as beautiful.”
Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

I know how hard motherhood can be. There’s the life lessons to teach, boo boos to kiss and cover with band aids, and those decisions you make that keep you up at night. It’s not easy. I think back on my mother and wonder, how did she do it? She was consistently loving, caring and yes, tough when she needed to be. She ran interference on my Dad once in a while, smoothing out those rough edges of his sometimes sharp personality, buffering us with soft words and a good piece of cake.

I’ve been thinking of the big and little things my mother has taught me over the years. Here’s a few pearls of wisdom she gave me that I’m truly grateful for.

1. Buy Fresh Ingredients. I made baklava one year for Christmas and it didn’t quite taste right. Mom took one bite and said, “Old Nuts.” She was right. They were old nuts I had lying around in the freezer. Never again. I always buy fresh ingredients, including nuts, when I bake at the holidays.

2. Cook from Scratch. My mom amazingly had a home cooked meal for us just about every single night. This was the old days I realize, but even when she worked, she cooked. I don’t remember a TV dinner (as they were called back then) or a pot pie ever in our house. She loved to cook and we ate good food, not always fancy, but still GOOD.

3. Money Isn’t Everything. My mom has gone through some very tight periods in her life. She was a depression baby, the first born to immigrant parents from Greece. She can make due on practically nothing. But she has shown me truthfully that all she ever needs has been given to her. She is a shining example of this.

4. Be of Service. Mom volunteered at church for everything. She cooked and served for the church ladies group, the Philoptochos, for YEARS. She served on the committee to build our church some thirty five years ago. Always involved, she set the example to give of ourselves and showed us that it will be returned- multiplied.

5. Go to the Beach. When the going gets tough, go to the beach. Mom loves the beach and once we hooked my dad on this, we went every year. She’d don her bathing suit, get a tan, and relax for a whole week. She instilled in us a love of the beach and to this day, we all LOVE the ocean.

Mom, front and center, white cap, at the beach
Mom, front and center, white cap, at the beach

I know I am blessed to have another day with my mom. I cherish the memories we are still creating and am grateful to have such a loving and caring mother.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

PS. I’m blogging over at the Orthodox Christian Network! Check out my mother’s day post there. Click HERE.

 

I Got Married on Mother’s Day!

JimandJo2

In honor of our 39th wedding anniversary, I’ve updated this post a bit but it is still largely the same as when I wrote it six years ago. All photos by Dan McConnell. 

My maternal grandparents came from Stockdale, Pennsylvania. My godparents had arrived from Charleston, South Carolina.

The night before our wedding, my father and uncles roasted a lamb, Greek-style, on a spit in the back yard. My mom, aunts, and grandparents prepared spanakopita, stuffed grape leaves, Greek salad with feta cheese and a host of other yummy dishes, and of course Greek cookies like finikia, baklava and diples. There was Greek music and line dancing in our big basement. The Greeks really know how to get ready for a wedding. There was lots of merriment, dancing, eating, and drinking!

I remember when I told my first boss, Bob at Heritage Floral, that I wanted to get married on Mother’s Day, May 10, 1981. He almost had a melt down! I forgot it was the biggest floral day of the year! Bob finally calmed down when I told him I wanted white silk roses in my bouquet and my bridesmaids’. Silk flowers were the big thing back then. There were real flowers on the reception tables of course and Bob did a spectacular job. Having silk flowers made it easier for Bob to do the bouquets ahead of time, a great time saver in this case!

Jim and Jo CrownsMy wedding was fabulous. Have you ever been to a Greek Orthodox wedding? It is very beautiful and symbolic. My favorite part is the exchanging of the crowns, or Stefana, which symbolizes the unity of the couple and presence of Christ who blesses and joins the couple. The Stefana are exchanged three times, back and forth, by the godparent and this symbolizes a sealing of the union. I still have my crowns to this day and actually had them framed; they are real beauties.

The reception was downstairs in our church hall. The Barlamas family catered the dinner and I swear, everyone had a half chicken on their plate! Greek dancing began shortly after and during the first dance, my father showered us with dollar bills for good luck. My little cousins (who I thought would keep the money!) swept up all the change and bills and that is what we honestly used for spending money while on our honeymoon at Peak N’Peek resort.

The reason I wanted to get married on Mother’s Day was because it was exactly one year to the day that I met Jim. When I asked my priest, Father John, if it was ok to be married on Mother’s Day, he said yes. At our ceremony, I remember him saying it was a day to honor all women and a perfect day to be married. 

By the following year on my first anniversary, I was pregnant with my daughter Michelene. She was born on August 7, 1982. My son John came a few years later on January 9, 1986.

The significance of Mother’s Day as a wedding day has never been lost on me. I love being a mother to two beautiful children and a grandmother to Gavin and Penny. I have been blessed with a great husband who has been willing to do the hard work of staying together. It has not always been easy but we have persisted through the good, and challenging, times.

I believe the secret to a long relationship is respect for your partner. And a dedication to love and cherish the other person, no matter what. Being a mom is just the bonus to a good marriage.

Driving to Church. Remember those Kleenex flowers?
My Dad. Boy, I miss him. (Check out my bouquet!)
Here we are!
Heritage Floral made my silk bouquets.
Look at those smiles! Cake by Keystone Bakery, Monessen.
Lots of Greek dancing! That’s my cousin Gary in the lead!

Living Generously

Mom and her delicious Finikia!
Mom and her delicious Finikia!

“Give , and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

I would have to say that my mother has set the best example for me of living generously.

She does not have all that much but what she has she will share with you unselfishly. Preferring not to spend money on herself, she will lavishly offer to spring for lunch or try to give me money when I buy her something that is really a gift.

Case in point, my sister Mary is coming to town in a couple of weeks and my mom already has the itinerary pretty much finished (this is why I am an event planner!). One day’s activities involves going to our church’s mini food festival and mom has already told me she is paying for dinners- lamb, pastichio, stuffed grape leaves, etc.

Over my objections (it does no good) she has told me she will take care of the food bill that night.

I used to think my mom financially cut herself a bit too close at times but as I get older, and closer to God, I think honestly she has the right idea. Everything she needs has been provided to her. She is well taken care of and in good health now (thank you!). Happy to be with her simple things, she is content to have just enough.

I firmly believe the old wives saying of “you can’t take it with you”. I love how wealthy people are giving their money away in clever and creative ways, not leaving it all for their children but making them earn it themselves.

I found this link recently to an article about wealthy people who have decided not to leave their fortunes to their kids. Warren Buffet for instance has pledged to give away 99% of his wealth either during his life or before he dies. He has already pledged 83% of it to the Gates Foundation.

What about simple folk like me? I am still finding creative ways to be generous, despite my limited income these days. Giving of my time (without expecting payment) to good causes is my favorite generous act of late. I also like to treat to things that are only a few dollars- coffee or dessert for a friend, a nice book from the used book store. I love these forms of generosity; they keep my feet firmly planted where they need to be, in service to others.

If I am tempted to be selfish with my time or money, I remind myself how generosity will come back to me multiplied.

Blessings to you today! What is your favorite act of generosity?

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