The Differences Between Us

Jim and I in beautiful Nantucket, Fall of 2016

The relationship of husband and wife should be one of closest friends. B.A. Ambedkar

*This post has been so popular I updated it a bit on February 13, 2017

Jim and I will be married 36 years this coming May. The picture above is one of my new favorites, snapped in Nantucket during time away last fall. Though we’ve been married that long, my husband and I are often like night and day. Oil and vinegar. Fire and water. But somehow, it works. We work. We are still a work in progress.

This is a good example of our differences. When I am driving, I anticipate when I will need to get off at an exit. Usually I move over into the correct lane way ahead of time, probably 1-2 miles before. I don’t have to worry about crossing over large amounts of traffic or missing the exit. I like to play it safe.

Jim will be in the same situation and he will not worry about moving over until he is a half mile from the exit. He will need to cross over two lanes of traffic but so what? Even if someone won’t let him by, he will get over somehow. (and he will complain about the guy that didn’t let him over!)

This kind of stuff used to drive me crazy. But if you’ve been married a long time you know. You choose your battles and ask yourself “how important is it?”

Jim has a counter top in the kitchen where he puts all of his stuff. Papers, pencils, change, you name it. I have my stuff concealed in drawers and desks. His counter top used to drive me nuts. It doesn’t anymore. I hardly notice it.

His garage is the same way. A clutter. But he and his brothers can usually find what they are looking for. I’d love to go and organize it for them but I bet they’d have a meltdown. How would they find anything?

I can just about figure out where Jim has been and what he has done in any given day by the trail he leaves behind. Candy wrappers, hammers, pliers. I have to admit I’m guilty of the same thing myself sometimes. It’s just easier to look at someone else’s mess and point the finger. 😉

I’m a taskmaster, an administrative guru. I have file folders for bills and a place for receipts. Jim can usually not find a crucial paper unless it’s on that cluttered counter. Years ago, he would ask me where I put it. Now he asks me if I’ve seen it.

Jim is really the cream in my coffee and the dots on my i’s. Though many years have passed and we have seen our share of good and bad, we are a team. I never think that he doesn’t love me; he adores me in fact and that love is what keeps us together.

It is worth the time and energy to make a relationship work. I love weddings and the thought of forever after. It takes two to tango though and that’s the truth. Thank you Jim, for the willingness to tango.

JimandJo

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21 thoughts on “The Differences Between Us

  1. Cathy McElhaney

    Awe Joanne that was so sweet! Jim is a great guy and you, two are perfect for each other! Thank you for sharing this with us! Don and I have 31 years of marriage and I totally get what you mean.

    Reply
  2. Linda Blaydes

    What a beautiful blog. I am so glad Jim found you. You two are my favorite people in the world. Love you both.

    Reply
  3. Julie (aka Cookie)

    A sweet and lovely tribute to what makes a relationship and a marriage–of which is a union of two very different people who magically “come together” in order to “make” it work—I’m like you, I always anticipate when I have to exit the interstate and always merge on over to the right lane in plenty of time—when I’m the passenger, I’m usually nervously reminding Gregory “don’t you think you ought to be getting over. . .” 🙂
    A happy week Joanne!!!
    Hugs—Julie

    Reply
    1. Joanne Cain Post author

      Haha! Glad to hear I’m not the only one who takes an exit lane early! You are so right- marriage is a union of two very different people.
      Thank you Julie!
      xo Joanne

      Reply
  4. Marianne

    A delightful remembrance and notation on love and relationships 🙂 Here’s a little something…have you ever been in the other room and you hear a man looking for something in a kitchen drawer? I mean, seriously! The noise level is astounding and you can only imagine the shape of the drawer contents now. What’s with that?

    Thanks for the smiles, Joanne, and keep dancing.

    Hugs,
    Marianne

    Reply
    1. Joanne Cain Post author

      Well I have to say, I am probably the one making more noise these days! Jim probably makes more of a clatter in his garage, equivalent of what I can make in the kitchen!
      Blessings to you today Marianne!
      xo Joanne

      Reply
  5. Marylin Warner

    Oh, Joanne, the differences between you and your Jim, and me and my Jim, are very similar. Like night and day, except on the heart-deep issues that are most important to both of us, especially family. There’s no better Dad and Grandpa, and no better man for me. He is my best friend, even though we don’t agree on lots of things. I loved the way you summarized how he’s the cream in your coffee and the dots on your i’s. It says it all.
    Happy birthday on the 21st! Much love and many hugs for a special day.

    Reply
    1. Joanne Cain Post author

      Marylin, we again sound so similar! Jim and I are very much the same on deep seated issues- loyalty, love, children, even God. I love how you adore your husband as well. Thank you for the birthday wishes! (I can’t remember how you know? Is it your birthday too????)
      xo Joanne

      Reply
  6. Barb Harris

    That was a wonderful tribute to your marriage! Paul and I are the same with 25 years this year! I can hardly believe it’s been that long. It seems like not long ago that we got married in Clearwater, FL at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church. Time goes so fast…love you Jo!

    Reply
    1. Joanne Cain Post author

      Time goes by so fast, doesn’t it Barb. You turn around and *poof* the years have gone by in a flash. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog. I really appreciate it! 🙂 xo

      Reply
  7. Cindy

    I was looking for something good to read on this cold snowy day! I read this before, but I don’t believe I read all the comments from your followers. What a lovely tribute they are to “you and Jim” personally, to your marriage, and to relationships! I feel blessed that Jim and I also share the same passion and beliefs for the deep stuff. We will be married 47 yrs this July, and neither of us “sweat the small stuff” anymore! It is just small stuff! However, I still marvel at how he finds important things amongst all the clutter & piles he has, when I am so organized and can’t find what I need. As you said tho, even after many years have passed & all the ups and downs of life , he still shows me everday that he loves and respects me! Glad to read this again today.

    Reply
    1. Joanne Cain Post author

      What beautiful words you have written Cindy! Congratulations to you and your Jim. He is a wonderful man and the two of you make a lovely pair. The love and devotion you show to your family and friends is truly inspiring. Thank you so much for commenting! xo Joanne

      Reply

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