The holidays are over and the January darkness has really settled in. Thank God there have been some sunny days or I would really be going crazy. And, as if a great gift was bestowed upon us all, the moon last night was so gorgeous, so full and bright, its long stream of light running down as if to the ground. It was mesmerizing.
Winter darkness pushes me to think about the light and how it has the power to transform me into a person of less worry. When I think of Grace, I think of the light. If I am worried about a problem or situation, bringing it out into the light can help it lose some serious steam.
When I am scared or have a situation in which I don’t know what to do, calling on Grace works. My innermost fears can eat me from the inside out and they can be dangerous stuff. Believing in the light enables me to pull out my fears, one by one, look at them and realize their root. When I take my time and slowly work through them, these fears turn into fearless blips on the radar of my life.
The light can fill me with hope, comfort and warmth. Thank goodness it’s free for the taking. When I wrap myself in the glow, I feel protected and calm. Life seems less hurried and less intense.
Coloring was one of my favorite things to do as a child. Back then of course there were no video games and limited tv channels. Life was simplier. I loved to color for hours.
That said, I remember outlining the edge of whatever I was coloring with a bold or dark color and then filling in the design, character (whatever) by lightly laying my crayon on its side and moving back and forth. I was a very neat colorer.
Recently, I came to view my husband as one who probably likes to color outside the lines. A funny incident occurred in which he was not really coloring but the thought process was quite the same. Here’s how it went. He was making an easy recipe of Stove Top stuffing, chicken, sour cream and cream of mushroom soup. And, he was making it for the entire family, including my son’s practically new girlfriend that I am hoping is (up to this point) thinking that we are the greatest thing since sliced bread.
(FYI, I want to mention that Stove Top chicken bake is not my idea of a gourmet or even a special meal, but occasionally we really love chicken and stuffing. And besides, it is a really easy meal so what’s not to love?)
But instead of making the recipe in the traditional way, my significant other did it his way. He laid the entire bag of dry stuffing on the bottom of the pan. He put the chicken on top of the dry stuffing then he mixed the soup with water and poured it over top of everything. He completely forgot (or shall I say….eliminated the sour cream). When I asked him why he didn’t follow the recipe, his answer was “it’s the same concept”.
I was tempted to either read him the riot act or pretend I had a last minute engagement I had to attend. I decided instead to let it go. When everyone was getting ready to sit down for dinner, my son’s girlfriend asked how he made the chicken bake. My husband generously offered the recipe to which I couldn’t help but add “that’s not really the recipe. he just likes to color outside the lines….”
This got a chuckle from everyone, including my husband. And how was dinner? Well, it was fine though the stuffing did not all puff up and so some of it stuck to the bottom of the pan. With a little cranberry sauce, it was just fine. Everyone declared it delicious and hey, I didn’t have to make dinner!
So though I like to color inside the lines, there are clearly others who love to go beyond and color wildly. I need to respect that. That is what makes life alittle more colorful.
How was your New Year’s? I spent mine differently this year. Usually I stay home with my significant other, have something special to eat then either go to bed early or watch the ball drop, then go to bed.
I belong to a church that had a New Year’s dance this year so I knew I had to go and support it. My mom wanted to come as did two other couples we know via the sobriety community.
We had a wonderful time. It is amazing how truly possible it is to have a good time without alcoholic beverages. The food was good, the music was great and it felt magical to be out celebrating a holiday with so many other people.
Two other moments happened on New Year’s Eve day. First, I sent a text to my husband about a friend of ours and in less than a minute, the friend just happened to call me. In another moment, I walked to my mailbox (it is down abit on our road) and while there, I saw my nephew about to leave for a three week journey to another country. I ran to give him a hug and kiss and wish him safe travels.
These small moments mean something very big to me. The timing of them suggests a spiritual connectedness. It makes me wonder: if I was less distracted by minor concerns, would I notice more opportunities that I may be currently missing? Could I be led along a more meaningful path if only I paid a bit more attention?
I am always searching for a deeper relationship with God and to my fellow human beings. Experimenting with different acts of loving kindness, surrounding myself with people who are also striving for meaningful relationships, and trying to live a less ME- centered life may make this happen.
In 2012, my goal is to slow down and listen for direction instead of forcing it. Who knows where I may end up? Happy New Year to you!
As I write this, I am at a coffee shop using my small laptop and a new Christmas present. My son, who has helped me numerous times with all things tech based, informed a relative of mine that a great Christmas gift for me would be a wireless mouse to work alongside my little laptop.
I got some quick instructions when I opened my mouse gift a couple of days ago. It went something like this: plug the USB port into your laptop, turn on the mouse, place the port here for storage……..
Sounds easy, yes? Yes, but I have always been fearful of learning something new, especially when it involves technology. I still try, but I am half scared to death when I do it. This morning, I thought for sure I would not be able to figure out where to plug the USB port into my laptop. Well, I figured it out and my computer did not crash, I did not have a meltdown and I did not make a complete fool of myself in the middle of the coffee shop. Also, my computer warned me immediately that my laptop battery was low. I took my handy dandy cord, plugged it into the wall socket and into the correct port on my computer, and viola! I can write all I want.
Why do I occasionally panic about this little stuff? The tiny voice inside my head wants to talk me out of any new endeavor for fear of failure. Danger! Danger! This is way too hard!…or so it likes to tell me….
Then, somewhere between a state of panic and my ego I find humility.
Per Wikipedia, humility is the quality of being modest and respectful. I think humility does not need to be humiliating. While I trusted my ability to figure out the mouse, I realized that I needed to take my time, remember my son’s instructions and give it my best shot. Ego has to take a back seat too because if I did not take time to remember my son’s instructions, I would barrel through the process, likely with no thought to what I was really doing.
I recently completed a large project at work that required my learning a whole new database management system. Since I’d only been with this company for two months before the download of hundreds of names into the new database, I thought, (panicky) how am I going to do this? Will I really be able to figure out this new system? How I did it was one name at a time. Instead of thinking about the whole project looming ahead of me, I concentrated on one letter of the alphabet and one name at a time. I took the tutorials the software company offered and asked questions when I couldn’t figure things out. The project took three months but I finished before my goal date. I felt really good about it when I was all done.
The older I get the more I realize it is truly ok to make mistakes in the learning process known as LIFE. Recognizing myself as a beautiful human being, strengths and weaknesses included, keeps my humility in the right place and my faith on the front burner.
I like to organize, plan and execute the most perfect events. I like my presents to be carefully chosen and exquisitely wrapped. I like my cookies to be freshly baked and melt in your mouth buttery. I watch shows on how to do it all; I read articles and email blasts on the greatest holiday gift ideas, the perfect way to use leftover turkey, etc. etc…..
That said, I can also have the world’s worst case of holiday depression from trying to do it all and expecting others to know how I want it done. I am better than I used to be in this regard (oh, the perfectionism!), but I can still use a bit more work in the whole realistic/unrealistic thinking arena.
My husband likes to say that an expectation is a premeditated resentment. I think this hits the nail on the head! Better to go with the flow, let things happen as they will and mind my own business. If I let go my expectations towards others and myself, my life is much happier and easier.
Lately I’ve been feeling like a marshmallow. You know, kinda soft and fluffy. Is this a good thing? Well, maybe it is ok if you’re a marshmallow but probably not if you’re a human.
With the holiday just around the corner, I decided that all I can really do is try and keep the marshmallow-ness of me at a regular softness and size. I am certainly not of the little tiny marshmallow genre at the moment. I thankfully would not call myself one of those giant marshmallows either and that’s good because they are so darn hard to toast. Getting those warm on the inside while toasting well on the outside is really a challenge.
I have a craving this morning for Rice Krispies Marshmallow Treats so I may just make myself a batch for Christmas! Have a sweet and soft kind of day!
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