The Big Picture

I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose. When you connect with that love and that compassion, that’s when everything unfolds. Ellen DeGeneres

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This is the last week of my job. I feel somewhat in limbo, somewhat emotionally stressed. Soon my life is going to change. Heck, it is changing already.

I have always identified myself by the work I’ve done. Whether I’ve been a business owner, events coordinator, project manager or administrative assistant, my work becomes my persona. It is an extension of me and who I am. Maybe my ego gets tied up in it. I’m sure it does.

DSC_0145Now as I go forward, I leave another job behind me. I put on a different cloak. It identifies me as caretaker to my mom. It feels good to be able to say this. I am leaving to spend time with my mom. This is enough of a purpose for now….though I have a feeling there will be more to come.

Interestingly enough, I have been thinking a lot about ego lately. Quotes have been coming into my view that cause me to think twice. This one caught my eye today- “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. ” (Matthew 6:24)

So true. I am leaving my job for time with my mother. I am also taking time for myself. As I grow closer to God, material things matter less. Money matters less. So far, all that I need has been provided to me. Strangely enough, I am requiring less and less to feel fulfilled. This must be the enormous gift of walking a spiritual path.

Thank you again to my daughter, Michelene for these beautiful pictures of California flowers.

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Do you feel your spiritual purpose? Tell me about it!

Spring and Renewal

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“Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Here in the Northeast USA, it is hard to tell it is Spring.

It has snowed every day this week- an amazing feat for Pittsburgh in late March. I can’t remember when it’s snowed so much, especially since the first day of spring has already passed.

I have been thinking about buds, new life and renewal. When spring arrives, we all have a chance to dust ourselves off, change up to more color and start anew. I’m feeling like a living testament to change…to spring….to new life.

DSC_0045Everything I have laid in place over the last two years is going to shift….again. My mother’s illness has been the catalyst. I am reminded of M. Scott Peck‘s ideals, documented in his famous book “The Road Less Traveled”. In it, he describes how we all have internal “maps” of where we go and what we do. Well, my “map” is about to change. I’m choosing a new path on my road of life.

Here’s the first change. I’ve put notice in at my job and am leaving in two weeks. Yes, I am trading my comfortable, secure, full time job for more time. Time I wish to spend with my mom, my family, friends and myself.

Change number two. I need some source of income so I signed up to be an independent sales consultant with a company that looks very…faithful. I am going to shamelessly self promote myself just this once. Check out www.faithco.net/joannecain to see my latest venture. (PS. That is not me at the bottom of the website!)

So whew! So much change. What inspired all this? Well, in addition to my mother’s long illness, time played a major factor in bringing me around . You have a lot of time to think when your loved one is in the hospital for an extended period. You have nothing to do but sit there, think, fill up glasses with ice water, think, watch mom sleep, think. It is life changing really; the shift that occurs in your thought process when you realize how precious, fragile and short life really is.

In all my pondering and all these precious blocks of time I’ve had lately, I’ve been wondering if God sometimes hits me over the head to get my attention. “What does it take” I imagine him saying, “to push you to your next level, to get on with it, for goodness sakes?”

Because I confess…I had been thinking for months about how to spend more time with my family and on the things I am passionate about (writing, non profit work). I had some ideas but I was holding back. I was hesitant to let go of the security within my life; a life comfortable and fulfilling, just not as deeply spiritual as I yearned it to be.

What does God have planned for me? Truly, I don’t know. My one friend likes to say, “God has a plan for us, but we are not on the planning committee.” If I am willing to turn my life over to a power greater than myself, I’m sure my purpose going forth will present itself to me.

DSC_0036Photos of “Snowdrops” by my daughter, Michelene Cain

Tell me…..Have you ever given something over completely to faith? What happened?

The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

Photo by Joe Indovina
Photo by Joe Indovina

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

What do you dream about?

I don’t mean the dreams you dream while sitting still in traffic, or the lofty ones formulated while meeting good friends for dinner. I think of those as goals or aspirations. I am talking about the dreams you dream when you fall asleep.

My dreams have really gone through cycles over the course of my life. About seven years ago, I had finally begun to feel God’s unconditional love working in my life. Where formerly I had always feared wrath and judgement, my thoughts of God had become loving, calm and reassuring.

So during this time of reassurance there were (ironically) large monsters in my dreams. They were at times, ferocious and scary. But in my dreams I was always at a safe distance. I would observe the monsters and think, Well, I probably should get out of the room. Or better yet, They cannot harm me.

The closest I ever came to reading or hearing something similar to my monster dreams was when I read a book written by a little boy entitled, “Heaven is for Real“. When I read Colton’s description of the monsters in Heaven, and of his Savior Jesus’ triumph over them, I really got a chill. His description of the monsters rivaled those in my dreams.

The monster dreams have vanished for now. Lately, my dreams consist of people and places, interactions…. and bravery. I have had a few significant acts of bravery within my dreams. When my mom was ill last month, I had a two fold dream. In it, she was in her home looking out the window of her front door. I was standing next to her. A very large and powerful truck (yep!) came and swallowed her up. I briefly panicked. In the next moment, she was next to me again, we were both looking out the window and the truck was in the driveway, idling. Mom and I stood together and stared it down. It did not harm her again.

I took this to be another sign that mom would recover. Her illness had temporarily derailed her but she would fight back. This week, my mom finally returned home from the hospital. God is good.

One of the most significant dreams I have ever had involved a friend of mine. When Sue told me months ago she was pregnant, I had a dream about her that very night. The whole dream was tinted in pink. My sweet friend just had her baby this week. Guess what? It was a girl.

Do I believe dreams can foretell the future? Maybe. More, I think they are a mirror of our soul. Our fears, hopes and emotions can manifest themselves deep inside of us and dreams are perhaps, the way our soul expresses itself.

Do you believe in dreams? What do you dream about?

Baklava Meets Bagels

English: Six Braided Jewish Challah with sesame.
Delicious Challah Bread (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been blessed by some truly unique experiences in my 55 years of life. One of the most grace full experiences I have had is the privilege, as a Greek Orthodox Christian, to work inside of a Jewish synagogue.

For five years I was the events coordinator of a very beautiful, large synagogue in the heart of my hometown city. It was and still is a place of amazing beauty and the object of much love from its congregation.

When my friend and future boss interviewed me seven years ago, he said “You are perfect for this job”. I said “What IS the job?”. He said, “Events Coordinator”. When he showed me the schedule I almost fainted.

The schedule was filled with meetings, services, Bar Mitzvahs and Kiddushes. I thought “What the heck?”  I told my boss I knew nothing about Judaism and he said “Everyone will be very patient with you while you learn”.

And learn I did. I learned about celebrating Shabbat, Chanukah, Passover, and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I learned all the components of a Jewish wedding including a beautiful chuppah. I worked with a great team of people, including the rabbis, who bent over backwards to plan perfect events for their attendees. They taught me many things about the traditions and meanings of the holidays. They opened my eyes to many spiritual things.

I grew a great respect for the Jewish culture and the race as a whole. Jews are very hard workers, dedicated and loyal to their faith. The congregation did great acts of philanthropy- donating food, stepping up for causes I had never even heard of. It was an amazing experience for me to see such expressions of unselfishness and love.

On a softer note, I came to also love the food of “Temple”. Because there was a large gathering hall and many food events, there were always great leftovers. I grew to love brisket and potato latkes (with a dab of sour cream or applesauce!). Bagels with a smear of cream cheese, a sprinkle of capers, a slice of onion and a filet of smoked salmon are awesome! I became a huge fan of hamenstashen (a cookie filled with fruit) and rugelach.  I can still get excited over a good loaf of challah bread! In turn, I brought in homemade Greek baklava at Christmas to share with the staff and congregants. They loved it and told me so.

Once, I met with a mom who was planning her daughter’s Bat Mitzvah luncheon. We went over many things and she was very organized. I only helped her to bring it all together and plan the final execution. When we were done talking she said, “You must have a Jew in your tree.” I laughed and said “Well, I’m Greek Orthodox so I don’t think so….!” She said “Well, you know what they say, “If you shake the tree hard enough, one will fall out!” I took this as a great compliment.

I did come to understand and respect the customs and way things were done. And in many cases, certain congregants became like family to me. When I first arrived at my job, several of them stopped by my office to welcome me (and to check me out!). When I won them over, they brought me gifts at various times of the year, fussed over meeting my husband or other family members, and filled me in when I didn’t understand something. I felt loved and accepted there no matter what.

I hope other religious institutions would be so accepting towards one not of their faith, working within their organization in such a deep and personal way. In my willingness to explore a different perspective other than my own, I gained a huge new understanding of God, love and faith.

May you have the opportunity and the willingness to do something that truly opens your spiritual eyes. And may you grow from it!

Have you ever had a unique experience outside of your own faith? What was it like?

Someone’s Watching Over Me

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“I was not sure where I was going, and I could not see what I would do when I got [there]. But you saw further and clearer than I, and you opened the seas before my ship, whose track led me across the waters to a place I had never dreamed of, and which you were even then preparing to be my rescue and my shelter and my home.”
― Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

This quote speaks volumes about the last month or so of my life.

My mom was ill almost all of February and now as she progresses in her recovery, I have a chance to look back and reflect on what really happened.

It is clear that I’ve been watched over. And a path was cleared along the way for me.

Twice last month I narrowly missed being involved in a car accident. If I’d have been seconds later or earlier I would have been hit. I was not.

One morning I was scared and worried about my mom. It was at the beginning of her illness and she was very sick. I happened to be standing at my kitchen sink, looking out the window into my side yard. A singular, enormous doe came out from behind the pine trees and began walking towards my house. She stopped right outside the window, just feet away. I froze as I met her gaze and it was as if she looked right through me. I knew at that moment that my mom was going to be ok. To me, that was a sign of Grace.

The truth is, I have had signs all along the way. People have shown up for me, my mom and my sisters. I finally began to tone down my worry when I realized all I had to do was believe. It was really that simple.

I swear God sees things coming. He sends in reinforcements, interceptions and angels. When I remember to truly Let Go, I just stand back and watch the magic unfold.

A few days after my mom was on a new floor, a rehab floor, I walked into her room and there was a sweet dear friend of mine assigned to my mom as her nurse’s aide for the day. Imagine! In a whole hospital full of people, my friend was assigned to my mother. Was this a coincidence? I think not.

When we believe and have faith, our life can be full and rich and bursting at the seams. No one said it was going to be easy. But someone’s watching over me (and you!) and all we have to do is trust.

Do you ever feel like someone is watching over you? Protecting you? Tell me about it!

A Writing Adventure!

In my latest writing adventure, I have been accepted by Hay House Publishing Company as a book reviewer! This is a good feeling for me as not only do I get to stretch my writing chops a bit, I also get to choose which new books I’d like to review! I love it!

In The Shadow of a Badge by Lillie Leonardi
In The Shadow of a Badge by Lillie Leonardi

For my first official book review, I chose Lillie Leonardi’s recent release “In the Shadow of a Badge.” Here’s a bit about the book and my thoughts regarding Lillie’s story.

Ms. Leonardi worked in law enforcement and was the first female responder to the scene at Shanksville on that fateful day of 9/11. She was the Community Outreach Specialist for the Pittsburgh Division of the FBI and as such, was one of the first to witness the crash scene in that lone field. As she surveyed the barrenness of the landscape, she was overwhelmed by what WAS NOT there. There were no bodies and very little left of the plane and crew of Flight 93.

Lillie chronicles her story beautifully, delving into her law enforcement background and the prejudices that women face in such a male dominated field. There was no place for emotion, crying or falling apart by what she saw.

However, as you can imagine, the sheer sight of the crash scene floods all of the checkpoints she had developed to deal with such tragedies and loss. Her emotions overwhelm her as she gazes upon the sight, wondering how anyone could do such a thing in the name of God. Then, a light comes upon the field and a vision unfolds in front of her eyes. A legion of angels appears, led by the Archangel Michael.  “This archangel stood with confidence, radiance, and an aura of leadership. The saber in his hand angled toward the ground in resting mode. I knew instantly this had to be Michael, for in my Catholic upbringing the Archangel Michael had always been depicted as the warrior. He was also known as the guardian of law enforcement.”

When the vision disappears, Lillie wonders if what she saw was real. She asks God to show her a sign that she was not just dreaming. A bible on the ground, barely singed by the flames of the crash, blows opens in a sudden wind. It stops on Psalms 23, “The Lord is my Shepherd…..” This is her sign. The confirmation of a miracle.

Lillie holds onto the vision of angels but doesn’t tell anyone about it. For years. Finally she is diagnosed with PTSD and thus begins the long road of recovery stemming from years of denial and fear.

What touched me deeply about this book was the depth Ms. Leonardi was willing to go into her soul to tell this story. She reaches into herself again and again to face her fears and tell her story. Her law enforcement background makes a fascinating read and the effect that 9/11 had on her daughter and young granddaughter is poignant, one that any mother will deeply relate to.

My favorite chapter is entitled “Superwoman Has Left the Room.” Lillie wishes to remove her symbolic uniform and cape and ask her old persona to feel safe to return. As those of us who have been through a life changing experience can attest to, it is through the shedding of our previous self that real healing and spiritual awakening can occur.

I loved the spiritual lift this book gave me. I encourage you to read and enjoy it AND be transformed by it. Here’s the LINK.

And of course, here is my disclosure per Hay House. I get to choose the book I wish to review, it is given to me free of charge, and I am not compensated for my endorsement of this book. This review is my personal opinion.

Thanks for joining me on my first book review! What are you reading these days?

Greece…and a Very Special Place

The Path to Faith
On Our Way Down – Photo by Mary Jamis

In an ever changing sequence of events, my mom’s recovery saga took yet another turn last week. After a few days in outpatient rehab mom was back in the hospital, tired and exhausted, and apparently in need of a good rest. At first we panicked, thinking it was a turn for the worse. Finally she woke up from snoring sleep sessions to tell us she was fine. She has a couple more hurdles to clear, but thankfully she is growing stronger every day.

When this latest challenge presented itself last week my mind and body had a few bad days. I was worrying constantly and having trouble sleeping; all the usual reactions to stress. In a moment of clarity, I remembered a special place from our trip to Greece five years ago. During that divine excursion my mom, sisters and I were privileged to witness something that still stays with me to this day.

We were all in a rental car with our native cousin Stavros. He took us for a ride up a mountainside, parking along the berm of a twisty road. I got out of the car and could only see trees, rocks and gorgeous sky. Stavros told us to follow him. My mom held onto us as we descended downward on a simple path of stones. I remember the dirt ground was littered with olive pits. I silently wondered if the birds ate lunch there.

Church in the Hillside-Photo by Cally Jamis Vennare
Church in the Hillside-
Photo by Cally Jamis Vennare

A small white washed church came into view at the bottom of the stone path. It was so beautifully unexpected, so hidden, so precious. We stood in awe while Starvros retrieved the key and opened the small wooden door.

Inside it was tiny, simple and just as special. There was a small altar with icons. We lit candles and Starvros said a prayer. We stayed awhile to bask in the glow of being in such a holy place.

Can you imagine how this memory grounds me? Perhaps it was the beauty, or maybe it was the sacred holiness of such a special place. All I know is it was a huge gift. In my mind, I can run back to that little church any time I want and light a candle for me, my mom, anyone.

I leaned on that little church last week when every last bone in my body was tired and weary. Having a special place where we can go, even if only in our mind, can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

Hear ye!
Beautiful Bell – Photo by Cally Jamis Vennare

Do you have a special memory or place that grounds you? Tell me about it!

The Joy of Simple Pleasures

Toggling for seed! Photo by Michelene Cain
Toggling for seed!
All Photos by Michelene Cain

A couple of years ago my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. My reply was “a bird feeder”. I knew exactly where I wanted it to hang too. Right outside my dining room window.

It was there that I could sit, have my morning coffee and watch the birds come and go. And surely they did. As the birds came to toggle for a piece of sunflower seed or other niblet out of the feeder, I gazed at them. I marveled at their color, their speed and their beautiful uniqueness.

In those moments, I slowed down. I watched, enjoyed and delighted. It was my time and space to relax my mind; a meditation so to speak.

Angling for seed!
Angling for seed!

If you love to bird watch, I’m sure you know what I mean. Birds are something to behold; a wonder of nature and God’s special creatures.

I love the bright red of the male cardinal, the subdued muted pink of the female. The chickadees. The woodpecker, ready for a fashion statement with its red head and black/white striped body. Ah, watching them brings joy to my heart!

I tried to think of some other of my favorite simple pleasures. Here they are:

My first cup of coffee in the morning, steamy and hot with a good splash of cream.

The sight of the pine trees around my house, laden heavy with the winter snow.

The smell of clothes warm and fragrant from the dryer.

Chicken soup simmering in a pot on the stove, ready to be enjoyed for dinner with good crusty bread.

A road trip laden with treasure stops, such as a good antique store or better yet, a Fiesta Ware outlet!

The smell of a baby right after a bath.

Home baked cookies in the oven on a cold winter’s day.

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May you notice the simple pleasures your life today! What’s your favorite(s)?

Nourishment….Body and Soul

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We are spiritual beings living a human life. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Lately, I’ve been pondering a different approach to taking better care of myself. I have been thinking about Body and Soul. Sure, it’s a phrase that’s been around forever. But I’m taking it to heart and realizing that one without the other is like walking around with only one shoe.

First, SOUL. I am better at taking care of my spiritual self. Devoting a portion of my non working hours to service work is spiritually fulfilling for me.  This blog and you, my reader, are part of my spiritual life. Spiritual reading, volunteer work and even prayer and meditation are important parts of my soul work.

Now when it comes to BODY, that is a different issue all together.

Menopause (or, insert issue of choice here) has reeked havoc on my physical body. I am abit overweight, tired and admittedly, over sugared. This is where some change needs to occur. My thickening middle has me a bit depressed and there is really no one that can change that except me.

Though I have been trying to do little things to build a healthier me, I’ve not done a good job managing my weight. I rationalize it with my many obligations, stresses, weather, you name it. But deep down I know I really want to take better care of my “temple”.

At this point I have to tell you I don’t believe in diets. I don’t think they work. Having watched friends gain and lose the same pounds over and over through various diets, I believe the mental state of “diet” is starvation. That may not be the case, but perhaps the word reeks a mental manipulation within the heads of its participants. I’d rather make positive changes to eat healthier and get enough exercise.

I want to believe there is a direct correlation between faith and food. If I treat my body as the temple for my soul, does that make me want to treat it better? Yes, it does. So that is what I’m going to try.

By placing food in the same mental bracket as faith, I hope to change how I feed myself. By taking a moment to reflect and notice what I’m putting in my mouth and why, I hope to give my body a bit more respect. The respect it really deserves.

Are you better at Body or Soul? Or both? What works for you?

Letting Go…and the God Box

Winter in the Northeast
Winter in the Northeast

The holidays are over and boy, it’s chilly and cold here in the Northeast. I’m trying to get back in the game of Life by settling into a somewhat regular routine. Eating more normally (getting out of that holiday cookie habit is tough!), trying to sleep well, trying to take care of myself.

The holidays don’t take away problems but they do seem to temporarily disappear during that time, don’t they? Or maybe we’re just too busy to care much about them.

When I settled back into my routines, I don’t know if it was tiredness or a bit of winter depression, but a few issues loomed in the background. I began to focus on them, picking them apart, festering and making myself a bit miserable over them.

I tried reading inspirational books and that helped a bit, but it wasn’t really banishing my dark cloud. In a moment of radical desperation, I decided to try an idea I’ve heard from my friends in recovery and from my favorite author, Anne Lamott. I decided to try a God Box.

My God Box
My God Box

At first, I thought I’d try and make myself one. I envisioned finding a small box, making it pretty, then cutting a slot in the top. Then I remembered a heart shaped gift box that my friend, Jeannine had bought me with pretty earrings inside. I wrote a couple of problems, each on its own piece of paper, each summed up in just a few words. I said a prayer, folded up the problems and slipped them into the box.

One issue was solved within a week. I was greatly relieved and very grateful. The other issues are more challenging; God really has his work cut out for himself with those. I know he’s up to the task though and I’m striving to put them in his hands. Letting Go is really the hardest part.

Here’s a great reading I found inside of “Help Thanks Wow”, Anne Lamott’s new prayer book, that hit the nail on the head for me this week: “Even though I often remember my pastor saying that God always makes a way out of no way, periodically something awful happens, and I think that this time God has met Her match- a child dies, or a young father is paralyzed. Nothing can possibly make things okay again. People and grace surround the critically injured person or the family. Time passes. It’s beyond bad. It’s actually a nightmare. But people don’t bolt, and at some point the first shoot of grass breaks through the sidewalk”.

My friend Larry’s funeral was Thursday. I wrote about him in my last blog post. Since his passing, everything else feels insignificant. Life is short and we must remember how special and important each day is. Though we miss Larry and the situation is awful, I know one day we will be walking along and there will be a blade of grass coming up through a crack in the sidewalk. Thank you Anne, for reminding me of this.

There is no problem so big or so small that Faith cannot fix it. If we but get out of the way and Let Go, things will work out.

What are your tools for dealing with problems or issues? What works for you?

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