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What My Granddaughter is Teaching Me

Joanne reflects on the wisdom of her three year old granddaughter.

Penny in her summer style.

Life lately has been a bit different. My son John, daughter in law Jessica, and my three year old granddaughter Penny have temporarily come to live with us. After selling their house in the East End of Pittsburgh, they are here until the process of buying their next home is complete.

Of course, when two families merge and share one full bathroom, it’s a bit challenging. But the fulfilling parts of being together far outweigh the minor inconveniences.

John and Jess love to cook whereas Jim and I, after years of it, could honestly care less. Previously resigned to simple meals, we now eat gourmet dinners practically every night. Wonderful fried fish, marinated chicken kebobs, pork medallions, creative vegetables, and delicious burgers. It’s truly been wonderful.

But the true bonus of living together is the joy of Penny. It is almost like experiencing my grandson and daughter (who lived with us for many years) all over again. Yes, at my age there are trying moments. There’s less alone time, more noise, endless toys. However the treasure of so much “small child” time is truly priceless.

For the first couple of weeks after their arrival, Penny and I would be up before anyone else. We’d take my coffee and her milk outside and watch the sun come up. We’d sit there, leaning against each other, and do very little. I figured she was tired so sometimes we didn’t even talk. Penny had witnessed weeks of packing and piles of boxes. Sometimes we just sat on the front porch, floating in a swing I had previously, barely used. Each of us with frosty bowls of strawberry ice cream, the joy of these moments is indescribable.

Penny has reminded me of the wisdom that nothing is really that important. She likes to take her time- what’s the rush after all?- and languish by dancing, singing, or talking to Jordan, our pet. Penny makes us all slow down. Discoveries can be made daily and she has marveled over the simplest things- butterflies, ants, flowers, bees, and birds.

I’m grateful for this time with my granddaughter that may never come again. If I’m feeling a moment of impatience, I only need to think of what it will be like when Penny has moved into her new house. That brings me back to the place I need to be.

“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” 
― Anne Lamott

Join me at my first signature event- Refill Your Cup! I’m so excited to gather with such a great group of speakers and vendors, to encourage rest and relaxation. Here’s the LINK.

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The Things My Father Taught Me

He demonstrated an entrepreneurial spirit that is with me today.

My Dad was one special guy.

Today is Father’s Day and twenty two years ago I received an early morning call from my mother. She said that my father had passed in his sleep, at home, just the way he had always hoped he would.

I dressed quickly and left almost immediately. I didn’t speed; actually I took my time and thought about my dad. He had not been himself the last few years of his life. Congestive heart had robbed him of his energy but true to form, he lived a year past the time the doctor had predicted he would.

My sisters, Dad, and me.

I grew up in a strict household. Dad did not allow me to date at a young age, be out late, wear provocative clothes or eye make up. It took me a long time to realize the things he restricted me from and how they have formed my character today. Rather than being resentful, I choose to view these things as blessings and am thankful for them.

Dad was a dynamic motivator. He was on the church building committee and stood strong about our need for a new worship space. At our centennial celebration a few years ago, the evening’s chair, Mr. P, told a story of how he and others went into the dirt foundation of the church (the only part that was started), sat on cement blocks, and listened how my father told them (under the glow of flashlights) that they needed to keep their enthusiasm up. This is an example of what an amazing team leader Dad was.

Owning his own business for years, Dad gave me a job when I really needed one. In the process, he demonstrated an entrepreneurial spirit that I carry within me today. Through good and bad times, he kept his business going and believe me, there were some tough times. He kept learning all of his life and was willing to adjust, try the new, discard the old, and be with the times.

My wedding day, May 10, 1981.

Honest to the core, he frequently resisted the temptation to twist, fib, or lie. He was very honest and at times it was to his disadvantage. However, his moral compass was firmly intact and he upheld a disposition of character and integrity. I hope that I even come close to this.

The older I get, the more I appreciate my Dad and the lessons he taught me. I’m sure, just like me, he had moments of indecision, defeat, and surrender. Yet he persisted. He continued on with his business, life, and his great love of God. Into heaven above, I thank him for all that he taught and gave me towards the life I have today.

Dad and Bishop Maximos. Dad is the Godfather of our church.

Proverbs 22:6: Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

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Mom’s 90th Birthday in Siesta Key Florida

Mom’s 90th Celebration in Siesta Key. Lots of family!

It was an event a year in the making. When we left Siesta Key in 2018, my mom began talking about her 90th birthday celebration.

For an entire year, we discussed every possible scenario. Should we have appetizers including Greek specialties, such as spanankopita or tiropita? Maybe we should keep it simple and just do cake and champagne? Or should we go all out and make dinner, serving pastichio, salad, and pitas?

The conversations were endless. Mom and I would have them in the car, at her house over coffee, and on the phone. At some point, we settled on champagne and cake. Then a few weeks before we were to leave, there were suddenly more options. Rent the community center, get a bouzouki player, get a caterer. In the end, mom made the final decision.

She wanted to have it in our beautiful condo. We had plenty of room and a screened lanai. My sisters made (from scratch) spanakopita and tiropita. They also did all of the shopping and created small plates of hummus, pita, kalamata olives, and feta cheese. They made a big salad and had two different kinds of pastichio. Cally decorated. Mary hung balloons.

There was debate over a cake. Cally checked with a bakery and a tiered cake was quite pricey. It was decided that we’d get three different Pepperidge Farms cakes. Mom is a huge PF fan. For almost every occasion, birthday or otherwise, mom will get a Pepperidge Farm cake. We decided on white confetti, lemon, and chocolate fudge flavors.

Before the big day, Mary contacted most of our cousins, asking if they’d be in Siesta Key during our stay. As it turned out, there were more than 20 of us there at the same time. It was simply magnificent.

There was laughter, happiness, singing, and eating. The champagne flowed. My cousin Steven created a beautiful book for mom with vintage pictures. Everyone had a wonderful time and we all have many treasured memories.

Near the end of our second week in Siesta Key, we were on the beach and noticed a wedding was being set up behind us. Lo and behold, the ceremony began and afterwards, the whole bridal party walked down the beach right past us! They stood in front of us, posing for the photographer. My sister Mary asked if Ashley (the bride) would take a picture with mom and she obliged! It was another magical moment.

I think we’ll be talking about this vacation for years to come. The memories we made there, the experiences of being together with family, are simply priceless.

Here’s the photography from the party and the wedding!

Getting ready for the party! What would we do without Aunt KC?
Those delicious Pepperidge Farm cakes!
Lots of candles, plenty of cake!
Mom and Uncle Jim
Mom and her brother, my Uncle Steve
Markella and Taylor
The Cousins
The Wedding Set Up, Siesta Key Beach
The Stunning Flowers (from Trader Joe’s!)
Here They Come!
Love on the Beach
Mom and Ashley
Another Wonderful Year!
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Take a Vacation

My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)

It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.

I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.

What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.

Beautiful Siesta Key Beach

When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.

If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.

Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.

I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.

PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.

Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.
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Warmth

Melissa Askew

February 2nd was Groundhog Day and yes, Phil said we will have an early spring. I never quite get the shadow, no shadow thing. But yes, supposedly spring is not far away. That is good news.

This past week, many of us endured super cold temperatures. Here in Western Pennsylvania, it reached negative 6 which is quite a big deal. I worried about Jordan (my lab/retriever) every time she went outside, but she seemed to really love the snow. Usually she rolls around in it (brrr…) and even lays down. She’s one tough doggie.

Despite the cold weather, we had numerous days with sunshine. I can take the chilly temps if at least the sun is shining. I do my best to keep my mood up this time of year and sunshine really helps.

In May of this year, my mom will turn 90. To celebrate, my sisters, mom and I will be heading to Siesta Key, Florida for two weeks. We’ve gone for the last three years and always stayed for one week. I haven’t had a two week vacation since I went to Greece about twelve years ago.

When I was growing up, we usually went to Ocean City, Maryland for a week in the summer. My aunts and uncles would be there and usually we’d all stay in a big, three story ocean front townhouse. We were not rich but this was the one splurge my parents indulged in.

My dad loved crabs and beer; so did my uncles. They’d often pick up a couple dozen crabs from Phillips, already steamed and loaded with Old Bay seasoning. Parked on a picnic table on the first deck, they drink their beers and eat crab meat. It didn’t take long for me to learn to clean a crab. To this day, I can’t get enough of crab meat.

Back then, we used sunscreen barely and I remember there wasn’t much other than Coppertone. I remember getting pretty burnt a couple of times but we didn’t worry about that stuff back then. I could take a fair amount of heat in those days. These days, I’m a straw hat and beach umbrella kind of girl.

I seek out the sun and warmth whenever I can, wherever I can. If it’s too bright or hot, I will shield myself from it but I will never be that far away from it. Because it is the sun, and its warmth, that fill me with joy and optimism.

Melissa Askew

John 8:12
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

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Hibernate

Penny, when she was almost one. Now she’s almost three.

It’s January and the holidays have past. How can that be? It seems like they came and went in the blink of an eye. So much anticipation, planning, gift buying, tree trimming, celebrating (I could go on and on) and boom, here we are.

Though it’s all over, there is something about winter. I don’t like the lack of sunlight, but I do love the quiet. It’s just yes, quieter. As I write this it is snowing and the plow truck has been going up and down my lane all evening, scraping the snow from the road.

When the temperature is above freezing, I love to go outside and pick up sticks. I have the luxury of making a small backyard fire whenever I wish. The smell is so good and Jordan, my trusty lab, loves to sit close. At age thirteen now, I think she warms her bones.

I am keeping my bird feeder filled up as best I can. There are three squirrels at least that are stealing the seed, hanging upside down acrobat style, and getting whatever they can out of the small holes. Sometimes I bang hard on my window and they go running off like the caught bandits they are. Other times, I let it go, thinking they need to eat too. As long as the other birds keep coming (and they do), I’m ok with it.

Norja V

I’ve been writing, cleaning, lounging, hibernating, staying in touch with friends, and generally doing the best I can to do nothing. Honestly, that’s the truth. I turned 61 in November and I can feel the tide changing. I’m no longer as motivated to push myself. It’s too much work and for a person who has pushed herself forever, I am working at just being. It’s not easy.

So I start with hibernating. I leave my jammies on a little extra longer in the morning. I don’t try and cram my schedule full of stuff to do. If I don’t feel like cooking much, Jim and I eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I pick and choose what I want to participate in.

I am not rich. But I am beyond wealthy when it comes to friends, family, and my spiritual life. I was surrounded by my close family, cousins, children, and grandchildren over the holidays. So many of my friends do not live by their children or grands. Blessed is how I describe it.

Over the years, I have worked at being fully engaged. In my home, I do my best to invite, cook, decorate, and be of assistance. Someday it will be my children’s turn to do this. I am already feeling it will be bittersweet. Though I look forward to it, I know I will let go slowly. I will offer to help, to bring something, and supply grocery gift cards when needed.

And I’ll do my best to cherish and enjoy every moment.

  • “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

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Winter

Asa Rodger

It’s chilly here and there is snow on the ground. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the supply store for sunflower seeds, mindful of my seasonal duty to the local feathered friends. Every year, about this time, I begin the daily chore of loading up my bird feeder. It is a small price to pay to see the cardinals, blue jays, chickadees, and other birds that visit me all winter. The sight of them cheers me. This year I bought a double sided suet feeder and the woodpeckers really love it.

Carol Carpenter

Jim usually orders dried corn for the deer. Years ago, when we first met, he was a hunter and fisherman. He still fishes occasionally but since our daughter was born, he hasn’t had the desire to hunt. Frankly I’m grateful. I don’t give anyone a lecture who hunts but I love deer and I will tell you why.

Years ago I went through a transition of sorts. If you have read my book, I needed a bit of help to get through a difficult period. In my darkest moments, I would go outside and there would be a deer in my back yard. Sometimes it was a stag, other times it was a doe or even a yearling.

After multiple sightings, I started to think this was a sign of the presence of God. How else could I explain that there was a deer every time I felt darkness? Often times the animal would look straight at me. I wasn’t afraid; I felt it was there for me, reassuring that all would be fine.

Over a period now of twenty years, I still consider deer to be a sign of the divine. Just a few days ago I marked the two year passing of a close friend. I remember the day he left this world like it was yesterday. He had been very sick and the C word was making its way with his liver.

I arrived home late one afternoon, in early December, and three deer were eating the leftover remnants of my summer garden. As I drove up the driveway, they were only a few yards away from me. Out loud I said, Something’s up. And they didn’t leave when they saw me. They merely stopped eating for a second, looked at me, then went back to their dinner.

A matter of one hour later and I get a bug in my ear and try to call my friend. I was pretty sure he was in the hospital. The call went straight to voice mail. The next morning I received the news. He had passed about two hours after I saw the three deer.

I cried a bit at the memorial when I saw pictures of my friend, flashed on a screen in health and sickness. In some of the photos, he was full of life. As the montage proceeded, you could see the toll the disease had taken. It was evident. I had not realized how fast it had happened.

Forward fast to a couple of months ago and I have another worrisome thought going and I swear this time I asked God to send me a deer sign. I drove up the back road to my mom’s house, often a treasure trove of deer reassurance, and nothing. I breathed a big sigh and thought ok, I’m on my own with this one.

Eventually, I came to terms with my worry having finally figured out that it was ludicrous (yes, I actually used that word in my head) and I should let it go. Finally, two days later I go to see my granddaughter and two minutes before her house, there is a small herd of deer (not one, but probably 8 or so), on the road, literally looking at me through my car windshield, only a few feet away.

I half expected them to come up to me and say something like, You are nuts, You worry too much. But they seemed overly concerned with how to get back into the field as there was a long, large fence (this is protecting a cemetery) and obviously this was their priority. 

As the herd walked past me, I thought of God and how He always delivers. He never lets me down. He is there for me.

Will Boldingh

Thank you to unsplash for their beautiful photography.

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It Starts with Us

Mingjun Liu

I live in Pittsburgh and if you follow the news, we had a horrific incident this past weekend. Without going into detail, I’ll let you click this link if you don’t already know.

I am a Christian and worked in a reform congregation, in the heart of Oakland, for five years. During that time, I detailed all of the events including weddings, baby namings, bar and bat mitzvahs, holiday services and gatherings.

I have a great love for the Jewish community and the lessons they taught me. They were kind and loving, hard working and devoted to their families and their synagogues.

So it is with a heavy sigh that I watched the events of the weekend unfold. My sister and cousin called me to express concern. I was teary over the Saturday night vigil in Squirrel Hill and watched the Sunday evening service at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial with a heavy heart. This coming together is the Pittsburgh I know and love.

Many of my friends are sharing views, videos, and compassion. Mr. Rogers lived in the neighborhood where the shooting occurred. His passionate videos about looking for the helpers have been played over and over. We are trying to recover from the shock. It will probably take a long time.

In allowing myself the time to “feel my feelings” so to speak, I am thinking of the children. I read that local children baked cookies and took them to the Pittsburgh police zone with a kind note. I loved hearing about that. Kidsburgh posted an article on how to talk to children about the tragedy.

I want to tell all children that light will cast out darkness. That if we hope for healing it will happen. If we continue to be kind to others, despite some unkind people, we can make the world a better place.

Believe it or not, we have the power to help shape the future by loving the world’s children. As I watch my granddaughter (almost 3 years old) grow and develop, I breathe a heavy sigh as I see the challenges (and opportunities) of shaping her attitudes, personality, and behavior.

I’ve said it before: children should be loved for who they are and not who we think they should be. And, our attitudes about race, color, and creed are imposed on them, whether we think so or not. Yes, the way we embrace and love others is noticed by our children. It starts with us. Children are not born with knowledge of hate. 

So when we are tempted to judge others and discriminate in front of our children, whether in word or deed, let us take a moment to catch ourselves, take a step back, and yes, show unconditional love to all.

“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”

— Yvonne Pierre

Willie Fineberg 

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Beach Mornings

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I have been in the most beautiful seaside town for the past week- Emerald Isle, North Carolina. It is through the graciousness and benevolence of friends that I am here.

It had been a few years since I spent time with the Atlantic Ocean. Though I went to Nantucket a couple of years ago, it was too cold to wade in. When I go to Siesta Key (Florida) in March, I’m on the gulf side.

Having been raised on vacations in Ocean City, Maryland, the Atlantic Ocean is like an old friend. The sound of the waves and salty air are familiar. When I stick my toes in the warm sand, it’s as if I’ve come home.

On this vacation, I left my family behind. It’s a relatively new experience for me. There’s no one to take care of here (really) other than myself. I’m aware of trying to be a help- making breakfast, setting up a pot of coffee, loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc- but it is not mandatory. I’ve chosen not to go out to dinner a few times, embracing the peace and quiet that’s left behind.

Dare we (who are so busy) strip away our responsibilities on purpose? Who are we when we are not mothering, working, worrying, anticipating, or stressing? We are wrapped around our identities like the wrapper on a lollipop. It’s a challenge to strip that away, let ourselves relax, and enjoy the nothingness of vacation.

Getting up at the crack of dawn to see the sun rise is challenging. Yes, when we set no alarm clock the temptation to sleep in is oh, so strong. I did get up early several times, mainly because I normally do; I’m a rooster who likes to be up with the sun. One morning, I sat on the deck with my coffee, eagerly awaiting the dawn. As the first rays began to appear, I couldn’t resist the tug to get down on the beach. The first time, I was dressed in only pajama shorts (with watermelons on them no less) and a Bette Midler t-shirt. I said to my friend John, “No one will care how I look.”

It was profoundly quiet except for the sound of the waves. As I watched the sun come up, a feeling of being one with God came over me. No one and nothing else, in those few moments, mattered. It was just me and my creator. I wasn’t afraid. I was silenced and humbled by the simple magnificence of what I was witnessing.

I started walking and met a 5 month old yellow lab and his mom. DJ was very interested in me and let me pet the top of his head. A man with a tripod and camera was setting up a shot with a conch shell and a starfish. I thought, “Buddy, you are missing the point.” The sunrise was so gorgeous and I hope he took the time to notice it.

I probably have fifty sunrise and sunset pictures at this point. Laughing, I tried to eliminate a few but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Each one is slightly different. I love them all.

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Have you made your getaway plans yet? I hope you do!

Love from the beach,

Joanne xo

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Weightless

Summer is coming to an end. It has been a wonderful season for me, full of family, friends, and sunshine. I have enjoyed my mornings, sitting outside, listening to the birds, and having my first coffee.  Sitting in the sun has done much for my well being. I read, and most recently, I have started to journal.

I have been trying to put my health more to the fore front. Aging is no picnic and I’m not a fan of exercise. I’m a fan of food. Growing up in a big Greek family, we planned meals ahead of time and they were joyous. I love sweets and that’s probably been one of my biggest weaknesses the last few years.

Lately, I started following a few life and health coaches via social media. I read their posts and began to be more conscious of the choices I was making. I still “sweeted” too much, but I began to eat more vegetables in their natural states, less red meat, and more fish and other healthier options. I have a long time blogger friend who has educated me on smoothies and eating foods with less preservatives. I’ve really benefited from her education.

This week, there was a meeting of a group that I had previously attended. The guest speaker was Matt Scoletti and he is a personal trainer. Matt just published his first book, The First Fifteen. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on going. I thought, What do I need with a personal trainer? I hate exercise!

But something nudged me. I picked up my friend and we went together (always better!). And guess what? I really enjoyed Matt’s talk. He spoke of his alcoholic college life and his turning point (I love those moments). I left completely blown away by his presentation.

Here’s what he said that I liked. He said to make small changes slowly. Diets don’t work (I agree), and real change comes from mindset and within. Matt said the first fifteen minutes of your day is what will define the rest of the day. Drink water, journal, and get going. I like that.

I read the first chapter of Matt’s book the next morning. I’ve read three more chapters since and I’m taking my time so I can absorb it. My motivation is definitely up. Thank you Matt.

In the same vein of energizing, I want to share a video of a talk I gave this past spring. (Thank you to my sister Mary for taping me!) I have not shared it publicly but I’m thinking it’s time to do so. I’m a wedding planner but I’m also a motivational speaker and a writer/author. We all have God given talents and gifts. Let’s share them.

I hope you order Matt’s book and mine if you haven’t already read it! Have a blessed week!

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