God Has Confidence in Me

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about minding my own business. It was called Keeping My Spoon in My Own Bowl. Since then, a few more things have happened that have me scratching my head in wonder.

I’m not sure if it’s this long winter and the toll it is taking on me or others, but honestly, I’m feeling like I need a long vacation. I seem to be ticking people off and not in a good way. It’s been a very trying couple of weeks.

So what do you do when your words or actions are fodder to the fire to another person? I know what I used to do. Admit to nothing, deny everything and counter accuse. I literally could do no wrong. Never looking at my own part in any conflict used to be the norm, even when I might have had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

What is the difference now? When I upset someone, even if I mean no malice or ill will, I will apologize. If I feel truly in my heart I did no wrong, I will still say “I”m sorry” if someone takes what I did as a personal attack. With this action, I pay attention to my side of the street. I keep it clean.

I do this because I know deep down, God has confidence in me. If there is a lesson to be learned, then let me learn it. Perhaps I am being used as an instrument for someone else’s lesson. Whatever the reason, my soul is restored through honesty and the willingness to look at the log in my eye instead of the splinter in everyone else’s.

The maladies I caused myself by my own past thinking, stinking thinking as I like to call it, were numerous. Sore back, restlessness, discontent, sleeping problems, irritability. It was because my slate was not clean. I carried around burdens and behaviors that I didn’t know how to get rid of. Only through deep introspection and revelation to trusted individuals were these burdens removed. And then apologies doled out, the sweet antidote to my troubled ego.

I fight this of course. Don’t think I go around apologizing and then feeling all cozy and warm. My head fights with me, I chastise myself for getting into situations and not thinking more clearly. But, who is to say that my challenges were not exactly as God planned them? Maybe they were meant that way for a reason.

DSC_0036So I keep plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other, waiting for spring, waiting for the promise of renewal. I will watch for the snow drops soon; they will begin to come up in my back yard. I embrace the sunrise and the sunset because that gets me closer to the beauty of a new season, a fresh start. I go easy on myself because deep down, I am keeping the faith.

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14 thoughts on “God Has Confidence in Me

  1. Marylin Warner

    Powerful, very real post, Joanne.
    “Admit to nothing, deny everything and counter accuse.”–whoa, did that strike a familiar chord deep within me. It has been my game plan more often than I like to admit, especially with the same little group of people who know which buttons to push.
    But the surprising thing is how quickly their attacks are diffused by a genuine, brief apology. And then, as a dear friend in AA told me, all I have to focus on is keeping my own side of the street clean. Let them go on their way.
    My Pennsylvania Dutch grandmother had a sampler on her wall: Too Soon We Grow Old…Too Late We Grow Smart.
    But this lesson is one I’m finally learning…and it’s not too late.

    Reply
    1. Joanne Jamis Cain

      Hi Marylin,
      I always have a bit of hesitation when I publish posts like this one. Not only does it put my feelings out there and on the table, but I’m never quite sure how my readers are going to feel about me afterwards!
      It is reassuring to hear your words. I too have AA friends and they have taught me a boatload about humility and the power of an apology.
      I love the words of your grandmother’s sampler!
      I am grateful (as always) that you stopped by! Thank you!
      xo Joanne

      Reply
    1. Joanne Jamis Cain

      Honestly, I am fine. I have a deep faith. Perhaps it is the other folks that are having the real trying times. I have to wonder….maybe I am merely the lesson for them, or the vehicle with which they come closer to their own reality…and in the process, move closer to God.
      People have told me I am a tough cookie. Thankfully I get this from my mother!
      These latest challenges are for the good in the long run. I am sure of it. 😉

      Reply
  2. Cathy McElhaney

    Very powerful and moving post. How many times in the past few weeks I have screamed at God that I am NOT Job, and I have had enough!? God’s response? Here, have a little more! I sometimes wish (S)He didn’t have so much faith in my ability to handle it all. Many times, though, I ask “Who’s lesson is this? Is it mine or someone elses?” I pick myself up and move forward doing the best I can. I know God doesn’t hate me, but some days it sure feels like it!
    Thank you for sharing this!

    Reply
    1. Joanne Jamis Cain

      Cathy, I know the feeling of having had enough. I do my best to keep a distance from toxic people and situations but sometimes I just cannot avoid it.
      I have learned a few lessons and I will try and apply them as best as I am able.
      The definition of insanity is to do the same things over and over, expecting different results. My experiences of late have taught me some good lessons, even about myself; hopefully I am avoiding the insanity route 🙂 xo!

      Reply
  3. randee

    I love these words and they will stick with me and help me to apologize more often: If there is a lesson to be learned, then let me learn it. Perhaps I am being used as an instrument for someone else’s lesson. Whatever the reason, my soul is restored through honesty and the willingness to look at the log in my eye instead of the splinter in everyone else’s.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  4. Marianne

    A beautiful testimony, Joanne! Once we make it known to heaven that we are willing to learn…well, there’s no going back, or dropping the course.

    Blessings for a smoother paths ahead,
    Marianne xo

    Reply
  5. Professions for PEACE

    Wow… thank you for this incredibly touching article. It resonates deeply with me, and helps remind that ‘God has confidence in me’ even as I falter and stumble and keep on learning. All of this post is incredible, and this is especially powerful: “my soul is restored through honesty and the willingness to look at the log in my eye instead of the splinter in everyone else’s”. Love this! May I too remember this truth. Bless your heart for all you share Joanne.
    WIth so much gratitude, Gina xo

    Reply

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