We are at the start of spring- a wondrous time to celebrate new life. I know that I always welcome this time of year with open arms, especially after a long winter.
Having returned from Florida a week ago, I was relieved to see green grass, daffodils, and our blossoming peach trees. The sight of it warmed me and I was thankful for these blessings.
I had two weeks in sunny Siesta Key and though I’ve been there, done that for almost ten years, there was a difference this year. This is the first time I’d been away absent the role of caregiver.
The first week went by quickly. I languished by the pool, soaked up the sun, went shopping, and ate well. The second week was different. It was slow, rich with time, and well, restful. I drank it up in meaningful gulps, relishing precious time without pressure to get things done.
I read an entire novel. I made Greek green beans. Going through my favorite consignment store in Sarasota, I found a dress. Shells made their way into my take home pouch. I greeted the rising sun and prayed to the setting one.
I have finally reached a point that I have to tell myself- it is ok to relax. I’ve earned it, I say, though this is always a selfish thought. I have cared for others for forty years and it’s time to give thanks. I’ve done things to the best of my ability and with that, I am ready to move on.
I’m grateful to God for all my blessings. My family and friends embrace me with love and fill my heart with joy. I will travel again this month, to North and South Carolina. I’m looking forward to that.
Happy Easter to my Christian friends, Happy Palm Sunday to my Orthodox Friends, and Chag Pesach Samech friends celebrating Passover.
(It’s the 11th year of my blog and I’m going to be sharing some of my earliest writings with you. Here’s one of the first I ever published.)
This is easier said than done isn’t it? With the holidays just around the corner, I can really start to feel overwhelmed by the excitement, preparation and….. the worry.
I am a very good worrier. I seem to have been bred for it as my mom and my grandmother were expert worriers. Even when things were going well, they still worried. What if something awful would happen? Let us imagine the worst case scenario and plan for it. Let’s imagine 20 plans of action to the unimaginable and then maybe perhaps we will be prepared.
Somehow one day, I felt my cloak of worry and noticed how heavy it had become. It is just not worth it, I decided, to keep that heavy coat on all the time. I began to peel it off. First, it fell a bit back from my shoulders. Then I took one arm completely out. (whew! even that felt better). Slowly, over time, I took the other arm out and THUD. The coat fell to the ground.
I realize now that I do have the ability to handle anything that life may challenge me with. I am up to the task. And I have people in my life that love me and are willing to stand by or assist should I need it. Why not take advantage of those things?
Living in the moment is how I deal with any attempts of my own to retreat back into my cloak of worry. Living in the moment frees up mental space and allows me to enjoy who I am spending time with and what I have chosen to do at this moment.
My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)
It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.
I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.
What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.
Beautiful Siesta Key Beach
When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.
If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.
Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.
I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.
PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.
Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.
February 2nd was Groundhog Day and yes, Phil said we will have an early spring. I never quite get the shadow, no shadow thing. But yes, supposedly spring is not far away. That is good news.
This past week, many of us endured super cold temperatures. Here in Western Pennsylvania, it reached negative 6 which is quite a big deal. I worried about Jordan (my lab/retriever) every time she went outside, but she seemed to really love the snow. Usually she rolls around in it (brrr…) and even lays down. She’s one tough doggie.
Despite the cold weather, we had numerous days with sunshine. I can take the chilly temps if at least the sun is shining. I do my best to keep my mood up this time of year and sunshine really helps.
In May of this year, my mom will turn 90. To celebrate, my sisters, mom and I will be heading to Siesta Key, Florida for two weeks. We’ve gone for the last three years and always stayed for one week. I haven’t had a two week vacation since I went to Greece about twelve years ago.
When I was growing up, we usually went to Ocean City, Maryland for a week in the summer. My aunts and uncles would be there and usually we’d all stay in a big, three story ocean front townhouse. We were not rich but this was the one splurge my parents indulged in.
My dad loved crabs and beer; so did my uncles. They’d often pick up a couple dozen crabs from Phillips, already steamed and loaded with Old Bay seasoning. Parked on a picnic table on the first deck, they drink their beers and eat crab meat. It didn’t take long for me to learn to clean a crab. To this day, I can’t get enough of crab meat.
Back then, we used sunscreen barely and I remember there wasn’t much other than Coppertone. I remember getting pretty burnt a couple of times but we didn’t worry about that stuff back then. I could take a fair amount of heat in those days. These days, I’m a straw hat and beach umbrella kind of girl.
I seek out the sun and warmth whenever I can, wherever I can. If it’s too bright or hot, I will shield myself from it but I will never be that far away from it. Because it is the sun, and its warmth, that fill me with joy and optimism.
It’s chilly here and there is snow on the ground. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the supply store for sunflower seeds, mindful of my seasonal duty to the local feathered friends. Every year, about this time, I begin the daily chore of loading up my bird feeder. It is a small price to pay to see the cardinals, blue jays, chickadees, and other birds that visit me all winter. The sight of them cheers me. This year I bought a double sided suet feeder and the woodpeckers really love it.
Carol Carpenter
Jim usually orders dried corn for the deer. Years ago, when we first met, he was a hunter and fisherman. He still fishes occasionally but since our daughter was born, he hasn’t had the desire to hunt. Frankly I’m grateful. I don’t give anyone a lecture who hunts but I love deer and I will tell you why.
Years ago I went through a transition of sorts. If you have read my book, I needed a bit of help to get through a difficult period. In my darkest moments, I would go outside and there would be a deer in my back yard. Sometimes it was a stag, other times it was a doe or even a yearling.
After multiple sightings, I started to think this was a sign of the presence of God. How else could I explain that there was a deer every time I felt darkness? Often times the animal would look straight at me. I wasn’t afraid; I felt it was there for me, reassuring that all would be fine.
Over a period now of twenty years, I still consider deer to be a sign of the divine. Just a few days ago I marked the two year passing of a close friend. I remember the day he left this world like it was yesterday. He had been very sick and the C word was making its way with his liver.
I arrived home late one afternoon, in early December, and three deer were eating the leftover remnants of my summer garden. As I drove up the driveway, they were only a few yards away from me. Out loud I said, Something’s up. And they didn’t leave when they saw me. They merely stopped eating for a second, looked at me, then went back to their dinner.
A matter of one hour later and I get a bug in my ear and try to call my friend. I was pretty sure he was in the hospital. The call went straight to voice mail. The next morning I received the news. He had passed about two hours after I saw the three deer.
I cried a bit at the memorial when I saw pictures of my friend, flashed on a screen in health and sickness. In some of the photos, he was full of life. As the montage proceeded, you could see the toll the disease had taken. It was evident. I had not realized how fast it had happened.
Forward fast to a couple of months ago and I have another worrisome thought going and I swear this time I asked God to send me a deer sign. I drove up the back road to my mom’s house, often a treasure trove of deer reassurance, and nothing. I breathed a big sigh and thought ok, I’m on my own with this one.
Eventually, I came to terms with my worry having finally figured out that it was ludicrous (yes, I actually used that word in my head) and I should let it go. Finally, two days later I go to see my granddaughter and two minutes before her house, there is a small herd of deer (not one, but probably 8 or so), on the road, literally looking at me through my car windshield, only a few feet away.
I half expected them to come up to me and say something like, You are nuts, You worry too much. But they seemed overly concerned with how to get back into the field as there was a long, large fence (this is protecting a cemetery) and obviously this was their priority.
As the herd walked past me, I thought of God and how He always delivers. He never lets me down. He is there for me.
I live in Pittsburgh and if you follow the news, we had a horrific incident this past weekend. Without going into detail, I’ll let you click this link if you don’t already know.
I am a Christian and worked in a reform congregation, in the heart of Oakland, for five years. During that time, I detailed all of the events including weddings, baby namings, bar and bat mitzvahs, holiday services and gatherings.
I have a great love for the Jewish community and the lessons they taught me. They were kind and loving, hard working and devoted to their families and their synagogues.
So it is with a heavy sigh that I watched the events of the weekend unfold. My sister and cousin called me to express concern. I was teary over the Saturday night vigil in Squirrel Hill and watched the Sunday evening service at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial with a heavy heart. This coming together is the Pittsburgh I know and love.
Many of my friends are sharing views, videos, and compassion. Mr. Rogers lived in the neighborhood where the shooting occurred. His passionate videos about looking for the helpers have been played over and over. We are trying to recover from the shock. It will probably take a long time.
In allowing myself the time to “feel my feelings” so to speak, I am thinking of the children. I read that local children baked cookies and took them to the Pittsburgh police zone with a kind note. I loved hearing about that. Kidsburgh posted an article on how to talk to children about the tragedy.
I want to tell all children that light will cast out darkness. That if we hope for healing it will happen. If we continue to be kind to others, despite some unkind people, we can make the world a better place.
Believe it or not, we have the power to help shape the future by loving the world’s children. As I watch my granddaughter (almost 3 years old) grow and develop, I breathe a heavy sigh as I see the challenges (and opportunities) of shaping her attitudes, personality, and behavior.
I’ve said it before: children should be loved for who they are and not who we think they should be. And, our attitudes about race, color, and creed are imposed on them, whether we think so or not. Yes, the way we embrace and love others is noticed by our children. It starts with us. Children are not born with knowledge of hate.
So when we are tempted to judge others and discriminate in front of our children, whether in word or deed, let us take a moment to catch ourselves, take a step back, and yes, show unconditional love to all.
“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”
What is spiritual adversity? I actually had to do a bit of research before I wrote this post. The word came up when I was looking for a quote for rebirth. Funny how looking for one thing leads you to another.
Have you ever been through something so difficult it rocks you to your core? I’m sure that while you are reading this you can think of more than one time in your life when you’ve been challenged. How did you get through it? If it is happening to you now, how are you coping?
When I went through spiritual adversity twenty years ago, I had very little tools. I relied upon myself. I didn’t want to bother other people. I kept my sadness to myself and isolated. Depression inched in and I felt as if I was down in a deep well.
Finally I knew I had to do something. I reached out for help and guess what, people helped me. They threw a rope down the well and pulled me out slowly. I started to see the light. The light was bright and shiny.
When I began my ascent, I was willing to talk to other people about how they had overcome adversity. They shared their own struggles, life lessons, and stories of renewal. They were a beacon of hope.
It became clear that people who relied on a power greater than themselves were the ones who were doing better in their struggles. If you prefer, you can go ahead and do it all by yourself. I tried that and it didn’t work. Heavenly power keeps me more centered, happier, and yes, healthier.
This spiritual adversity was the beginning of my new life. It gave me tools in my toolbox. I have used those tools many times since.
For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isiah 41:13
Special greetings to those celebrating Palm Sunday, Easter or Passover today.
A few weeks ago I celebrated my 60th birthday. My sisters were here and made it so special. They gave me a wonderful gift- a two volume compilation of all of my Katherine’s Daughter blog posts! The second book arrived today and it’s beautiful.
Six years of blogging? Could it really be? Two hundred and fifty nine posts. What have I learned? A whole lot about myself and blogging.
Initially I began a blog because I had a desire to write a book. Not a fiction book but a non fiction book about grace. As I explored this more, the research I found said if you have a blog and develop a following, your book will have an audience. As if the universe conspired to help me, I then began a full time job that was very busy but not very imaginative. I loved my boss and co worker but I had come from an events planning environment where every day was something different.
Enter my blogging journey. I started Katherine’s Daughter six years ago today on December 11, 2011. I remember being a bit scared of the technical side of a blog, and inspired by the sheer excitement of it. Blogging is fun! I met lots of other wonderful writers too numerous here to name. They showed me the way and taught me many things.
Are you thinking of blogging or writing? Here’s a few awesome things I’ve learned:
Don’t strive for perfection. If you think every post has to come out like a Vanity Fair or New York Times article, think again. Anyone with a desire and basic knowledge of their language can write. My way of writing is to think about what I want to say for a few days then sit at the keyboard. Usually my posts will tumble out and I edit them a couple of times. I resist the temptation to revise over and over again. That drives me insane.
Practice makes it easier. When I look at my first post and look at my last post, I’m kind of proud. I think my writing is a little better since the beginning and I will tell you that each time I post I worry a bit less. I just let it happen.
Writing a blog is a creative outlet. Do you have something to say? Photography to showcase? A zillion recipes to share? A family life that is outrageously humorous? Blogging is a chance to share your magic with the world. I like to tell stories that show ordinary life as extraordinary. It does help to have a central theme in mind.
If you have a business, blogging will broadcast it. I have an events blog tied to my wedding business. I do very little paid advertising. But I do wedding posts on a regular basis and I can’t tell you how many brides have found those posts and hired me as their coordinator.
Be yourself. You can be a swearing, outrageous blogger that showcases your daily struggle with mental illness or a major momma in the kitchen with amazing recipe magic. Either way, be respectful to yourself and others and have a good time with it.
What’s yet to come? My sister Mary wrote me a beautiful letter when she gave me volume one. I want to share it with you.
Happy 60th Jo!
I’m writing this note three days after your 60th birthday. The Fed Ex package due to arrive on your birthday arrived instead at 10:38am this morning. I suppose that means your birthday is meant to live on at least a few more days, if not more.
I’ve thought about this present for you for quite some time. Cally initially rejected the idea of creating a book/s of all your posts. But I knew this would be the perfect gift for you. Mostly for selfish reasons—because my hope is that this year you’ll think about creating a compilation book of the best of your blog posts. It’s not my place to decide which ones are the best. But I knew what I could do was print every blog post you’ve written (or at least those on the katherine’s daughter site) as a book and also as pdfs to make it easier for you to read and select your version of Anne Lamott’s Traveling Mercies orGrace (Eventually) or Hallelujah Anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if you realize what a gifted writer you really are. Your blog will always be something I can return to again and again to remind me of mom, of what it was like to grow up in our family, to remember how sweet life can be, and to be grateful for the big and little things that happen in our lives.
So my hope is that when I turn 60, your present to me is a published copy of your “best of katherine’s daughter.”
Happy 60th big sister.
Love you Jo.
Mary
Ok Mary, I accept your challenge! I will do my best to have the Best of Katherine’s Daughter published by December of 2019!
To all of my supporters and faithful readers- Thank you so much for all of your love and encouragement. Your comments, likes, and shares of my posts lift me up on my writing journey. Here’s to many more years!!
Penny’s Selfie- She’s my example of living joyfully.
Last week I had the pleasure of attending a writing and podcasting conference at Antiochian Village. This jewel of a lodging/conference center/spiritual retreat rests in the Laurel Highlands of Ligonier Pennsylvania. I believe I have written about this beautiful place before. I launched my book, Ordinary is Extraordinary, there last April of 2016. This was now the third time I’ve had the pleasure of visiting and enjoying Antiochian Village (AV).
Ancient Faith Ministries (AF) sponsored this conference and I was overjoyed to be there. I missed last year’s conference and so when the opportunity came up this year I blocked off my calendar. As I write more and more for the OCN, I have become interested in the possibility of writing a book for Orthodox Christians. I couldn’t wait to see what the conference had to offer.
Interestingly enough, I was quite sure I’d know not a soul there. I did have a friendship with Melinda, the marketing director of AF. She gave me my start at the OCN two years ago and is now with Ancient Faith. But that was through a virtual connection and other than her, I knew absolutely no one. Scary? Maybe. But not really. I knew these would be people living a spiritual life and because of this I had no apprehensions.
I walked in the door and Melinda was the first person I saw. We greeted each other with a warm hug and I thanked her for giving me the opportunity at OCN. Since my room was not quite ready, I wandered into the bookstore (yes, on location at AV) and introduced myself to Father Andrew Stephen Damick. We chatted, looked over the generous display of books, and he showed me two of his books. I brought one of those home and am absolutely loving it.
Throughout the two days of the conference, I was educated, motivated, inspired and spiritually captivated. None of us got much sleep as there was just too much excitement. AF provided us with great speakers, the opportunity of chapel services morning and evening, and AV gave us delicious meals, inspiring sunrises and sunsets, and comfortable rooms.
The view from my window- Antiochian Village.
If you are a writer, do you attend conferences? I admit to not being active in a writer’s world (yet!) because I have so much else going on. But this conference helped me realize that we really do need to re-charge our batteries regularly by being around like minded people. It doesn’t matter what our interests are. Gather with others who have similar passions and watch the fires light.
I met Dr. Gary Jenkins next, waiting for dinner on the first night. We struck up a conversation and it turned out we both knew Father Paul Abernathy. Gary wrote a blog when he arrived home that captured how I felt about the AF conference (#afcon). And honestly, this gift of meeting amazing people continued for the two days of the conference. My standard opening lines were Where are you from? and What motivated you to be here? I met children’s book writers, podcasters, motivational speakers, priests, and even a small baby! One of my God moments was meeting Presbytera Stacey of Eikonia. She and her two sisters sing beautiful hymns of the church that bring tears to my eyes.
So what did all this do for me? Within a day of arriving home, I began a sequel to Ordinary is Extraordinary that is about joyful living. This inspiration came while at Antiochian Village and on the beautiful ride home. And of course I pitched a book idea to Melinda over breakfast and she gave me some good direction. I am pursuing the research and contemplating my book submission to Ancient Faith for this fall of 2017.
What brings you joy? I would really like to know! The sequel I am writing will be about the moments that have brought me joy but I would like to also incorporate some of your joyful moments. Is it the birth of your children or grandchildren? Is it a walk in the woods with your dogs? How about time with sisters, brothers, or other friends? No thought is too small and I would be overjoyed to hear your joys! So please comment below or send me a private message through Facebook. Or simply email me at joannejamiscain@gmail.com. (Your comments can be anonymous if you wish.)
Many things bring me joy. I’ve chosen some of my favorite moments below. One more amazing side note to all of this. It turns out that Melinda, who currently lives on the West Coast, is moving to Cranberry PA this summer. Cranberry is about 40 minutes from me. Wow. How’s that for grace?
Live, love, laugh joyfully. Enjoy every day and find the nuggets within.
“Purpose implies a spiritual intention, a goal that helps define why an individual chose to travel to this earthly plane.” Lillie Leonardi
Lillie Leonardi and I go back a few years. My sister Cally was instrumental in helping her with her first book, “In the Shadow of a Badge.” When Cally pitched a story to the Huffington Post about Lillie’s book (during a fourth of July weekend), Lillie’s book took off in popularity. She’s now a Hay House author and “The White Light of Grace” is her second book.
I have had the pleasure of being around Lillie through my sister. My feeling about her is that she is tough on the outside and soft and caring on the inside. We have some core things in common. She was a young mother and my daughter was a young mother. We talked about this once and her sharing was very helpful. Our fathers were key in our lives and we were very close to them. We both have had pasts that were affected by alcoholism the disease.
In reading “In the White Light of Grace” it struck me how much Lillie has pushed herself to grow. She became a police officer at a fairly young age and at a time when not many women were doing such a thing. My favorite story is when she responded to an emergency call for a domestic situation. She found a woman in the home, assaulted and alone. She interviewed her and as Lillie was walking out and onto the porch, the woman’s husband came walking around the corner. Here’s what she says:
“I knew instinctively that he must be the woman’s husband. No words were necessary. His manner and her reaction to his presence said it all. Within seconds, he began screaming obscenities. He was furious at her for calling the police. “Leave the premises or I will arrest you!” I shouted. Without any warning, the man lunged at me and yelled, “Yeah, you and what army?” Before I had time to gather my thoughts, I grabbed him and shoved him over the front porch rail. He landed facedown on the ground. I ran down and managed to cuff him with one swift sweep of the hand. As I lifted him from the ground, a patrol car pulled up along the curb and an officer I did not recognize asked me, “Are you okay? Where is your backup?”
Of course Lillie did not have a back up. She did it all by herself. There were some men sitting across the street, watching the whole thing. All at once they started clapping and singing, “I am woman, hear me roar.” GO LILLIE!
If you believe in angels, this is the book for you. Lillie details her early and repeated encounters with Archangel Michael in many chapters of the book. In her childhood she referred to him as the “Blue Man with wings.” She was reprimanded about her sightings and so stopped sharing them with others. But she did not stop believing and always felt herself channeled to the angels.
“It seemed as if I had an energy that flowed to me, through me, and permeated every aspect of my being. And although my youthful mind was not able to fully comprehend angelic channeling, I was astute enough to recognize that something amazing was transpiring.”
Lillie loved to retreat to her bedroom to write and dream of angels. In her chapter “The Origins of Grace”, she talks lovingly of her grandmother Situ (Arabic for grandmother) who encouraged her to believe and have faith. Situ encouraged her to pass this birthright on to the next generation. Lillie believes this has been a blessing on her family to have these gifts.
I preferred to read Lillie’s book slowly and savor it, rather than hurry through it. It reads like a spiritual reference guide, encouraging the reader to think of their own experiences and how to live a more openly spiritual life. The book is beautifully written and is a lovely example for me as I move forward on my writing journey.
Other chapters contain insight into Lillie’s recovery from PTSD, her health issues, male relationship struggles, mother daughter angst, and deep sharing about her love for her father.
“As I look back on my life, I am amazed at the twists and turns it has taken. In retrospect, I can see that it has been filled with time of pain and sorrow mixed with moments of sheer joy. Each chapter has moved my life towards surrender and grace.”
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