Pittsburgh Blogger – Joanne Jamis Cain

March 13, 2019March 13, 2019

Take a Vacation

*My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)*

It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.

I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.

What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.

When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.

If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.

Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.

I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.

PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.

Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.

January 13, 2019March 11, 2019

Hibernate

Penny, when she was almost one. Now she’s almost three.

It’s January and the holidays have past. How can that be? It seems like they came and went in the blink of an eye. So much anticipation, planning, gift buying, tree trimming, celebrating (I could go on and on) and boom, here we are.

Though it’s all over, there is something about winter. I don’t like the lack of sunlight, but I do love the quiet. It’s just yes, quieter. As I write this it is snowing and the plow truck has been going up and down my lane all evening, scraping the snow from the road.

When the temperature is above freezing, I love to go outside and pick up sticks. I have the luxury of making a small backyard fire whenever I wish. The smell is so good and Jordan, my trusty lab, loves to sit close. At age thirteen now, I think she warms her bones.

I am keeping my bird feeder filled up as best I can. There are three squirrels at least that are stealing the seed, hanging upside down acrobat style, and getting whatever they can out of the small holes. Sometimes I bang hard on my window and they go running off like the caught bandits they are. Other times, I let it go, thinking they need to eat too. As long as the other birds keep coming (and they do), I’m ok with it.

I’ve been writing, cleaning, lounging, hibernating, staying in touch with friends, and generally doing the best I can to do nothing. Honestly, that’s the truth. I turned 61 in November and I can feel the tide changing. I’m no longer as motivated to push myself. It’s too much work and for a person who has pushed herself forever, I am working at just being. It’s not easy.

So I start with hibernating. I leave my jammies on a little extra longer in the morning. I don’t try and cram my schedule full of stuff to do. If I don’t feel like cooking much, Jim and I eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I pick and choose what I want to participate in.

I am not rich. But I am beyond wealthy when it comes to friends, family, and my spiritual life. I was surrounded by my close family, cousins, children, and grandchildren over the holidays. So many of my friends do not live by their children or grands. Blessed is how I describe it.

Over the years, I have worked at being fully engaged. In my home, I do my best to invite, cook, decorate, and be of assistance. Someday it will be my children’s turn to do this. I am already feeling it will be bittersweet. Though I look forward to it, I know I will let go slowly. I will offer to help, to bring something, and supply grocery gift cards when needed.

And I’ll do my best to cherish and enjoy every moment.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

October 29, 2018October 30, 2018

It Starts with Us

I live in Pittsburgh and if you follow the news, we had a horrific incident this past weekend. Without going into detail, I’ll let you click this link if you don’t already know.

I am a Christian and worked in a reform congregation, in the heart of Oakland, for five years. During that time, I detailed all of the events including weddings, baby namings, bar and bat mitzvahs, holiday services and gatherings.

I have a great love for the Jewish community and the lessons they taught me. They were kind and loving, hard working and devoted to their families and their synagogues.

So it is with a heavy sigh that I watched the events of the weekend unfold. My sister and cousin called me to express concern. I was teary over the Saturday night vigil in Squirrel Hill and watched the Sunday evening service at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial with a heavy heart. This coming together is the Pittsburgh I know and love.

Many of my friends are sharing views, videos, and compassion. Mr. Rogers lived in the neighborhood where the shooting occurred. His passionate videos about looking for the helpers have been played over and over. We are trying to recover from the shock. It will probably take a long time.

In allowing myself the time to “feel my feelings” so to speak, I am thinking of the children. I read that local children baked cookies and took them to the Pittsburgh police zone with a kind note. I loved hearing about that. Kidsburgh posted an article on how to talk to children about the tragedy.

I want to tell all children that light will cast out darkness. That if we hope for healing it will happen. If we continue to be kind to others, despite some unkind people, we can make the world a better place.

Believe it or not, we have the power to help shape the future by loving the world’s children. As I watch my granddaughter (almost 3 years old) grow and develop, I breathe a heavy sigh as I see the challenges (and opportunities) of shaping her attitudes, personality, and behavior.

I’ve said it before: children should be loved for who they are and not who we think they should be. And, our attitudes about race, color, and creed are imposed on them, whether we think so or not. Yes, the way we embrace and love others is noticed by our children. It starts with us. Children are not born with knowledge of hate.

So when we are tempted to judge others and discriminate in front of our children, whether in word or deed, let us take a moment to catch ourselves, take a step back, and yes, show unconditional love to all.

“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”

— Yvonne Pierre

January 3, 2018January 3, 2018

Savor the Moments

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season. Can you believe it is 2018? It’s here!

For the past several years I’ve treated myself to a Word of the Year. Why? It’s a compass for guidance and motivation to study and work on myself. In the past I’ve chosen Joy, Believe, and Happiness for my words of the year.

How do I use the word? I simply keep it in my thoughts, meditations, and prayers. If I am faced with a challenging situation, I bring my word to mind and contemplate how I can use it to change my perspective. I always choose positive words (never negative), and you would not believe how a simple word can change a depressing problem into a spiritual opportunity. I choose books, readings, and podcasts that also help me study my wonderful word.

The last few weeks the word SAVOR has popped into my head over and over again. I looked up the definition and here’s what I found:

SAVOR: noun

1. The quality in a substance that affects the sense of taste or of smell.

2. A particular taste or smell.

3. Distinctive quality or property.

4. Power to excite or interest.

Source: Dictionary.com

I love the fourth definition! The Power to Excite or Interest. What do I intend to SAVOR, to be excited about? Well, many things! I want to savor time, tastes, and experiences. As a Greek American, I love wonderful food, especially if it is shared with family and friends.

I want to savor moments with my family, especially my grandchildren, as I know how precious these times really are. My wedding families give me the opportunity to savor, and this is not just about the cookie table! God has placed me in this position to make a difference in the lives of brides, grooms, their parents and guests. I’m there to keep the calm, take the stress off the day, and use my knowledge and gifts to oversee a day they will not forget.

I also want to be more mindful of how and what I eat. Healthier choices, less guilt, and more savoring are important to me. I’ve been conscious lately of slowing down and enjoying my food. This is hard for a busy person like me. I often eat with other things in mind (like what I have to do next!). I can also be an emotional eater (chocolate!) so I’m really trying to acknowledge my feelings when I’m stressed or worried.

It is coming up on five years that I left a full time position to help my mother. It’s hard to believe its been that long. Sometimes hard, always rewarding, I feel like I can finally breathe a bit better about the future and where I am going. This is not for everyone but I am glad I chose this route. There’s a book submission in my future and this is the topic I have chosen to write about- Caring for our Elderly Parents. If you are assisting an elderly parent(s) in any way, even if you are working part or full time, and have a story to share, I want to hear from you. Email me at joannejamiscain@gmail.com.

As you savor your New Year, I hope you take the time to make one positive change. Maybe choose your own word, start a gratitude journal, begin a three minute meditation practice, or start an exercise program. Touch base with me occasionally and let me know how you’re doing. I look forward to hearing from you!

November 19, 2016

Sunlight through the Fog

Foggy Morning Beauty — Early Morning Beauty

When I took Jordan out early Thursday morning, there was a beautiful mist. Everything was covered in a soft white glow and the glorious super moon was still present in the sky. I was so taken by the sight of it all that I went back in the house for my phone. Snapping photos while enveloped in the mist, I was witness to the magnificent dawn.

My wedding season ended last Saturday and I’m looking forward to no commitments for the next few months. This break will give me the freedom to do whatever I want- a luxury in my mind. I am a worrier by nature (I come by it honestly!) and so it takes an effort for me to let go of thinking too far into the future, i.e. next year’s season, will there be enough events, will there be too many? (oy!)

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”
– Leo F. Buscaglia

What do you worry about? (Maybe you’re not a worrier- lucky you!) For as long as I can remember, I hold too much weight on my shoulders. I’m a recovering perfectionist you know, one of God’s most needy children, and it is only through faith that I’m able to work at turning things over. When I saw the sunlight through the fog that morning, it reminded me that God can be the beacon through my worry. The worry is the fog, the sunlight is faith.

“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.”
– Henry Ward Beecher

Faith is a deliverance from worry. It is a breath of fresh air, a dark chocolate bar, a new puppy. It reminds me that everything will work out in its time. The one thing I try to remember is that I cannot solve my problems all at once. Honestly, sometimes waiting it out proves more helpful. Rather than force solutions, I pray, turn it over, and let God provide the answers.

This week, for the first time ever, I joined my church women’s group as they made homemade nut rolls (yes, from scratch). They sell them and donate all the profits to charity. This has been going on for AGES but I was always too busy to participate. This year, I wanted to help. I showed up at the chosen time; one of the ladies was making dough, the other was mixing nuts with various ingredients for the filling.

Over the course of the next half hour, other women showed up. I was told to bring a rolling pin and I did. Soon there were several of us rolling. I can’t tell you how therapeutic this was. I rolled dough for a while then I helped spread filling. I think we made at least 30 nut rolls that morning.

When it was all over, one of the ladies made lunch. Delicious scrambled eggs with fried potatoes, Greek salad, feta cheese and pita. My favorite part? A warm from the oven nut roll, cut up in big chunks. Boy was that good.

I told an Orthodox friend later that this experience inspired me. She said ” Treasures In Heaven”. I asked her the meaning of that and she said, “What you do here on earth will bring you treasures in heaven.” To work with these ladies (I was the youngest one there I think), spend time with them, learn from them- it was something sweet. And I’ll tell you. I didn’t worry about a thing when I was rolling dough.

Looks wonderful, doesn’t it? If you have an opportunity to make treasures in heaven, wow, I encourage you to do so.

To you and your family – have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

For another inspiring story, check out my latest post on the Orthodox Christian Network. Click HERE.

October 3, 2015October 8, 2015

Forever Love

Danina and Preston Seal it with a Kiss! Photo by Jessica Lubert Photography — Danina and Preston -Sealed with a Kiss! Photo by Jessica Lubert.

When I fall in love, it will be forever. Sung by Nat King Cole.

There was a chill in the air as I arrived at the barn that morning. It was a gorgeous, mid September day and the field of sunflowers was awash in color. I always get goosebumps when I arrive on the scene of a wedding and this one was no exception.

My daughter and I got to work, unstacking fancy chairs and putting the pads on them. By the time we were done, the linens had arrived and so had the rest of the staff. A big truck loaded with all the decor pulled up to the barn doors. It was time to set the tables.

There were so many beautiful details about Danina and Preston’s wedding I could go on and on. I’m going to save a few for a post later on my events blog. Instead, I want to tell you about the grace on this day.

Family members gave their heirloom china to display on the tables. Can you imagine rows of place settings and no two the same placed next to each other? Wow. And the father of the bride, Sam, did the flowers on the tables. He took his time and used many of the milk glass vases that Danina had gathered over the few months before the big day.

Table Settings and Sunflowers. Photo by Jessica Lubert.

I had asked Danina beforehand what she was going to carry for flowers. She wasn’t concerned about it and told me that she’d probably just hold whatever was available (this is a low key bride!). Now for some reason before I left home that morning, I grabbed floral wire and a few other tools. I also picked some herbs from my garden- lavender, mint, basil, and a few flowers. I put them in a small mason jar. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them but I took them anyway.

About an hour before the wedding ceremony, Michelene fashioned Danina a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers and tied it with ribbon. For the groom, best man, and officiant I created a quick boutonniere of herbs and flowers. Later I saw that someone had placed a small sunflower in the mens’ lapels along with my herbs- perfect. 🙂 And what a blessing to be able to contribute something of my own to this beautiful day.

October 8, 2015- I just published more pictures of this wedding on my events IDEAs! page! Click HERE to see them!

Here’s a few more photos of this wonderful day! Best wishes to Danina and Preston! Many thanks to my assistants- Michelene Cain and Jessica Lubert .

No Assigned Seating! Photography by Jessica Lubert.

Waiting for the Guests...and Dinner! Photography by Jessica Lubert. — Waiting for the Guests…and Dinner! Photography by Jessica Lubert.

Commitment in their own words. This Picture Makes Me Cry. Photography by Jessica Lubert.

The Sweetheart Table. Photography by Jessica Lubert.

September 26, 2015September 27, 2015

The Quest for Perfection

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect
-and I don’t live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers…
make sure you hands are clean!”
― Bob Marley

I have been thinking alot about perfection lately. What I have been thinking about it would probably surprise you. At this ripe age of 57, I am relieved to find that I have very little interest anymore in being a perfectionist.

Why? Perfection is usually unachievable and based on perception. What I may think is perfect, you may not. And what you may think is perfect, I may not. To the degree that we differ, what lies in that gray area? (probably a big difference of opinion)

I will tell you this. I believe that only what is created by nature and the universe is rooted in perfection. When I look at the magnificent sky every day, a honeybee on my basil plant, the face of a new born baby, I know this is perfection. The sun, moon, and stars are perfection. The dew on the morning grass is too.

So what does this awareness do for me? It releases me from the quest of having to do things over and over, ad nauseam. It also gives me the permission to apologize- which I do fairly frequently- without guilt. After all, I am not perfect.

What this isn’t is an excuse. It is not a reason to not try harder; I must be alittle more diligent about my health, attentive to my family, and nicer and kinder to wait staff at restaurants. If I am to be a spiritual being living a human life, I need to not forget that all living creatures are deserving of unconditional love and respect.

Two people passed away that I knew in the last week. Yes, it was sad. I went to the funeral of Margaret (yiayia Teta) this past Monday. There was something at the luncheon afterwards that blew me away. Yiayia had nine grandsons. Seven of them were there. Before we all ate, they stood in a line and said their favorite yiayia memories. It was unforgettable.

I couldn't help taking this picture. Gorgeous- all of them. — I couldn’t help taking this picture. Gorgeous- all of them.

These were truly kleenex moments. What I loved best was each one of them said that yiayia told him he was her favorite. I need to remember that. It is priceless.

At the funeral before the luncheon, I actually listened to the words of the priest. He did most of the service in English and I don’t remember hearing SO much of it ever before. He said basically, you can’t take it with you. Wow, you really can’t.

I was reminded (again) this week how fleeting life is. It is over in the blink of an eye. Why waste another moment on the relentless pursuit of perfection, unless it’s the God created variety? My friend Shelly gave me a little plaque once that said “Good Enough is Really Good Enough.” It was the (haha!) perfect gift. I got it out the other day and set it on my dresser. It’s a good time to be reminded of it.

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.”
― Michael J. Fox

Don’t forget to check out my sharings on the Orthodox Christian Network.