Message in a Chocolate

April 12, 2020April 12, 2020

Message in a Chocolate

Within the confines of my current life situation, I am finding that little things have plenty of meaning. Where previously I might never have paid attention, for instance, to my peeling porch swing, I now find myself unable to take my eyes away from the paint job it so desperately needs.

I haven’t had time for that porch swing for ages. When we renovated the outside of our home years ago, I painted it bright red. It was a nice contrast to the white siding, blue trim, and blue shutters on the house. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The trim around my house is still blue, but that porch swing has really faded. Right now it’s in the basement, being primed for a fresh coat of paint.

I have always paid attention to certain things in my house, such as my plants, including my gardenia, cleanliness, organization, and good meals. Staying on top of things is important to me, even if I over do this to a certain extent. But lately, with more free time on my hands, and the world a little scarier, I find myself a bit more grateful, and well, humble.

I always read the messages inside of my favorite chocolates, but rarely did I keep them. Lately, I find myself not only reading them, but saving them. Those little pieces of silver foil are all over my house. Their tiny messages are my little inspirations of hope. Yes, I’ve certainly read them before but lately, why are they so poignant?

This one says, “Book the flight.” Well, how can I? The pandemic has shut just about everything down, including flights. We have no idea when we are going to be able to be on vacation again. Thankfully I didn’t have any big plans. Still, I keep this one because optimistically I think, we will book flights again someday.

“Live your life every day with no regrets. It’ll be worth it.” Now, this makes sense. I’m not doing much of anything so there’s less to regret. I’m happy with a warm cup of coffee, my slippers, and a good piece of chocolate.

“Keep life moving forward, looking backward is only for time travelers.” Another bit of sensible advice. Although memories, right now, can be comforting. I’m thinking about going through a box of old pictures some evening. (I’ve been meaning to do that for awhile now)

This last one, “Hands are meant to be held”, can probably make me cry if I think too much about it. I haven’t hugged my adult children in almost four weeks. I have been lightly hugging my mother but no kissing on the cheek as we always did. The first week or two of quarantine, I barely embraced my husband, likely out of some paralysis over the whole virus scare. Finally, I said to him one day, “I need a hug.” We squeezed each other and I’m hugging him more often.

This situation, this pandemic, has caused so much change in our lives. To avoid holding hands, hugging, and embracing one other is hard. I can’t wait to get back to physical contact. Until then, I’ll keep reading (and saving) those messages in my chocolates.

Opening photo credit- Christiann Koepke.

Check out my other new blog on WordPress- Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

March 13, 2019March 13, 2019

Take a Vacation

*My mom and the three of us, Me (L), Mary (Front), Cally (Right)*

It is early in the morning as I am writing this. The view from my window is amazing. White sand, bright blue lifeguard stand, and people already walking on the beach. I am into the second week of a two week vacation, here with my family in beautiful Siesta Key, Florida.

I am 61 years young and this is only the second time in my life that I can remember having a two week vacation. The first was a trip to Greece, 11 years ago. I never thought it would be this long that I haven’t returned. I hope Greece is next on the list of two week vacations.

What does it feel like to take two weeks off? First, it feels self indulgent and I’m definitely not used to that. Then there’s a bit of guilt. My husband isn’t here, my sister in law is feeding the dog and watering my plants, and I miss my family. But, at the same time, there are twenty family members here, coming and going at any given time, and the closeness and comfort of that is simply grounding.

When I turned 50, I wondered how I would get through the next decade of work and responsibilities. I was burned out, tired of pushing myself and yet, there was more pushing to do. I survived it and now I am fast approaching the time that I hope to do more of this.

If you’ve never had a two week vacation, I encourage you to do so. I bet you have the PTO (Paid Time Off) but you procrastinate it away. You tell yourself things like, “I’m so busy, I can’t take that much time” or “I don’t have the funds”, but I bet you could figure it out if you gave yourself permission. There are lots of ways to find a time and place to relax. You have to tell yourself that you’re really worth it.

Isn’t it all about that in the end? We can’t allow ourselves the judgment of what others will think, or say, when we announce that we’re leaving. Or we think what would I do with all that time? I’m one of those that have a hard time not having a list of things to do. But the health benefits of vacation time – both physical and mental- make it imperative that we do this for ourselves from time to time.

I wrote a post a while ago about taking a vacation and I think some of my readers scheduled one afterwards. Here’s hoping that this post inspires you to take the time to schedule that PTO (that you’re going to lose if you don’t use it). If you need a travel companion, give me a call.

PS. Even one week is beneficial. If you can’t do two weeks, at least go for one.

Celebrating my mother’s upcoming 90th birthday, together.

January 13, 2019March 11, 2019

Hibernate

Penny, when she was almost one. Now she’s almost three.

It’s January and the holidays have past. How can that be? It seems like they came and went in the blink of an eye. So much anticipation, planning, gift buying, tree trimming, celebrating (I could go on and on) and boom, here we are.

Though it’s all over, there is something about winter. I don’t like the lack of sunlight, but I do love the quiet. It’s just yes, quieter. As I write this it is snowing and the plow truck has been going up and down my lane all evening, scraping the snow from the road.

When the temperature is above freezing, I love to go outside and pick up sticks. I have the luxury of making a small backyard fire whenever I wish. The smell is so good and Jordan, my trusty lab, loves to sit close. At age thirteen now, I think she warms her bones.

I am keeping my bird feeder filled up as best I can. There are three squirrels at least that are stealing the seed, hanging upside down acrobat style, and getting whatever they can out of the small holes. Sometimes I bang hard on my window and they go running off like the caught bandits they are. Other times, I let it go, thinking they need to eat too. As long as the other birds keep coming (and they do), I’m ok with it.

I’ve been writing, cleaning, lounging, hibernating, staying in touch with friends, and generally doing the best I can to do nothing. Honestly, that’s the truth. I turned 61 in November and I can feel the tide changing. I’m no longer as motivated to push myself. It’s too much work and for a person who has pushed herself forever, I am working at just being. It’s not easy.

So I start with hibernating. I leave my jammies on a little extra longer in the morning. I don’t try and cram my schedule full of stuff to do. If I don’t feel like cooking much, Jim and I eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I pick and choose what I want to participate in.

I am not rich. But I am beyond wealthy when it comes to friends, family, and my spiritual life. I was surrounded by my close family, cousins, children, and grandchildren over the holidays. So many of my friends do not live by their children or grands. Blessed is how I describe it.

Over the years, I have worked at being fully engaged. In my home, I do my best to invite, cook, decorate, and be of assistance. Someday it will be my children’s turn to do this. I am already feeling it will be bittersweet. Though I look forward to it, I know I will let go slowly. I will offer to help, to bring something, and supply grocery gift cards when needed.

And I’ll do my best to cherish and enjoy every moment.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

July 6, 2018July 6, 2018

Open Your Windows

Most mornings I have been opening the windows in every room in my house. A few months ago, a good friend of mine told me she opens her windows every day for twenty minutes. Mind you, she told me this in the dead of winter and (no kidding), I tried it a couple of times. I shut the heat off and opened the windows.

It was exhilarating to say the least!

My friend Daleen told me this practice exchanges stale air for clean air and I can believe it. I have asthma and the winters are hard on me. I’ll try anything that can help me breathe.

Now that summer is here, it’s definitely easier to practice this concept. It’s been very hot here (for Pittsburgh that is), around 90 degrees, so I have to open the windows as early as I can. But even this little bit of time feels beneficial.

My favorite thing about this “window time” is hearing the birds sing. They chirp their delightful melodies, over and over again. It never gets old. My daughter bought me the coolest bird house for Christmas and there’s a small bird nesting in it. I’m not sure what the variety is (a wren?), but its song is so sweet.

If it’s raining when I open my windows, that’s a bonus. I love the sound of rain.

In addition to opening windows, I love taking the time to be outside in the morning. My friend Cathy came for a visit a couple of weeks ago. Three out of four mornings together we sat outside, in unmatched plastic lawn chairs, and had our coffee. I donned my old straw hat from Hydra, Greece, a relic from ten years ago, and a necessity for bright Pennsylvania mornings.

So, picture this. A warm, bright sun. Two women, sipping coffee, sitting in old chairs, watching this small brown bird going in and out of a cool birdhouse. Me in my old hat, Cathy in her colorful beach caftan. Yes, I am lucky and blessed. We talk and talk about anything and everything. That is really some priceless stuff.

I think that opening my windows and connecting with nature is a deeply spiritual thing. It is a chance to touch base with God and be inside of myself. Sometimes I turn music on but most of the time I’m content to revel in the quiet. I try and keep my efforts to a minimum in those moments. That time is really for me.

I think this window practice can be done by anyone. Obviously, all you need is a window, or an outdoor spot, and a willingness. Exchanging the air can only be a good thing; fresh air is for everyone. I notice that if I add outside time to my window ritual, my day can take on a whole new meaning.

“Open the window of your mind. Allow the fresh air, new lights and new truths to enter.”
― Amit Ray, Walking the Path of Compassion

February 3, 2018

Confessions of an Anticipater

You Are Enough, from the upcoming Kindness Rocks Garden, Clinton, PA.

I grew up with years of conditioning to be an anticipater. My mother was the queen of hospitality and loved to bake and cook. She kept an immaculate home. When she and my dad entertained, there was always too much food but it was so good that none of us ever minded the leftovers.

When we invite friends or family over, we anticipate how many people, how much food, what will guests need or want to drink. This anticipating serves us well and in my work as a wedding planner, it serves me even better. I am constantly looking ahead to what’s next when it comes to weddings and the big day. Whatever the bride, groom, their respective families, and the guests need, both Sara and I will deliver on.

These same characteristics that serve me so well in my line of work do not always serve me in normal living. As a person who is committed to “letting go” of trivial matters and over planning, it is a challenge to wrestle my elite planning skills with my desire to live a simpler life.

Spontaneity is not one of my greatest characteristics. Yet I do try and be so, especially when I have no desire to cook for myself. I search for a friend who might be available for breakfast, lunch, or just shopping. It used to be that I had to plan these things ahead of time. Well, no more.

I have several friends that I can reach out to who will likely meet me on the spur of the moment. If I can’t find one available, I simply take a book and go myself. No planning necessary there.

If I want to live life as a spiritual journey, I have to be open to whatever is sent my way. Control is best given up. Life is so much easier when it is allowed to unfold any way it wants. Sometimes the best things happen when we least expect them to.

I have a friend who likes to say, “God has a plan for us but we are not on the planning committee.” So true. Divine love is best experienced without boundaries or borders.