Kindness – Joanne Jamis Cain

January 13, 2019March 11, 2019

Hibernate

Penny, when she was almost one. Now she’s almost three.

It’s January and the holidays have past. How can that be? It seems like they came and went in the blink of an eye. So much anticipation, planning, gift buying, tree trimming, celebrating (I could go on and on) and boom, here we are.

Though it’s all over, there is something about winter. I don’t like the lack of sunlight, but I do love the quiet. It’s just yes, quieter. As I write this it is snowing and the plow truck has been going up and down my lane all evening, scraping the snow from the road.

When the temperature is above freezing, I love to go outside and pick up sticks. I have the luxury of making a small backyard fire whenever I wish. The smell is so good and Jordan, my trusty lab, loves to sit close. At age thirteen now, I think she warms her bones.

I am keeping my bird feeder filled up as best I can. There are three squirrels at least that are stealing the seed, hanging upside down acrobat style, and getting whatever they can out of the small holes. Sometimes I bang hard on my window and they go running off like the caught bandits they are. Other times, I let it go, thinking they need to eat too. As long as the other birds keep coming (and they do), I’m ok with it.

I’ve been writing, cleaning, lounging, hibernating, staying in touch with friends, and generally doing the best I can to do nothing. Honestly, that’s the truth. I turned 61 in November and I can feel the tide changing. I’m no longer as motivated to push myself. It’s too much work and for a person who has pushed herself forever, I am working at just being. It’s not easy.

So I start with hibernating. I leave my jammies on a little extra longer in the morning. I don’t try and cram my schedule full of stuff to do. If I don’t feel like cooking much, Jim and I eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I pick and choose what I want to participate in.

I am not rich. But I am beyond wealthy when it comes to friends, family, and my spiritual life. I was surrounded by my close family, cousins, children, and grandchildren over the holidays. So many of my friends do not live by their children or grands. Blessed is how I describe it.

Over the years, I have worked at being fully engaged. In my home, I do my best to invite, cook, decorate, and be of assistance. Someday it will be my children’s turn to do this. I am already feeling it will be bittersweet. Though I look forward to it, I know I will let go slowly. I will offer to help, to bring something, and supply grocery gift cards when needed.

And I’ll do my best to cherish and enjoy every moment.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

October 29, 2018October 30, 2018

It Starts with Us

I live in Pittsburgh and if you follow the news, we had a horrific incident this past weekend. Without going into detail, I’ll let you click this link if you don’t already know.

I am a Christian and worked in a reform congregation, in the heart of Oakland, for five years. During that time, I detailed all of the events including weddings, baby namings, bar and bat mitzvahs, holiday services and gatherings.

I have a great love for the Jewish community and the lessons they taught me. They were kind and loving, hard working and devoted to their families and their synagogues.

So it is with a heavy sigh that I watched the events of the weekend unfold. My sister and cousin called me to express concern. I was teary over the Saturday night vigil in Squirrel Hill and watched the Sunday evening service at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial with a heavy heart. This coming together is the Pittsburgh I know and love.

Many of my friends are sharing views, videos, and compassion. Mr. Rogers lived in the neighborhood where the shooting occurred. His passionate videos about looking for the helpers have been played over and over. We are trying to recover from the shock. It will probably take a long time.

In allowing myself the time to “feel my feelings” so to speak, I am thinking of the children. I read that local children baked cookies and took them to the Pittsburgh police zone with a kind note. I loved hearing about that. Kidsburgh posted an article on how to talk to children about the tragedy.

I want to tell all children that light will cast out darkness. That if we hope for healing it will happen. If we continue to be kind to others, despite some unkind people, we can make the world a better place.

Believe it or not, we have the power to help shape the future by loving the world’s children. As I watch my granddaughter (almost 3 years old) grow and develop, I breathe a heavy sigh as I see the challenges (and opportunities) of shaping her attitudes, personality, and behavior.

I’ve said it before: children should be loved for who they are and not who we think they should be. And, our attitudes about race, color, and creed are imposed on them, whether we think so or not. Yes, the way we embrace and love others is noticed by our children. It starts with us. Children are not born with knowledge of hate.

So when we are tempted to judge others and discriminate in front of our children, whether in word or deed, let us take a moment to catch ourselves, take a step back, and yes, show unconditional love to all.

“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”

— Yvonne Pierre

June 10, 2018June 10, 2018

Happy 65th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

I happened to ask my mom the other day, If Dad was still around, what anniversary would you be celebrating this year? Mom replied that she and my dad were married in 1953 so on June 21st, they would be celebrating 65 years of marriage.

Over the years, I’ve heard many stories from my mother about their courtship. Mom spied Dad for the first time at Jeannie Drizos’ wedding around 1951. She lost track of him for a little bit but they reconnected in 1952. Shortly after, my dad gave her an engagement ring.

When I interviewed Mom for this post, here’s what she told me about her wedding. They were married at St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church in Monessen, PA. Their reception was also in Monessen, at the Sokol Hall, and they had a live band. The Manis Brothers were an all mandolin band. I would have loved to have heard that! My Uncle Bil Gameos was living in New York City at the time and mom said she remembers that he performed a live dance number for them.

Mom said her gown was modeled after Queen Elizabeth’s wedding dress. A few years ago, my daughter Michelene, modeled it at an event in Sewickley, PA. It is still a stunning gown to this day. The bridesmaid’s dresses, which are also WOW!, were bought at Kaufmann’s downtown, as was my mother’s gown.

My mom said they went to Cuba for their honeymoon!

My mom has two very old, very beautiful albums. The pictures are still heavily glued in place. This is why you will see the pages of the albums (below) and not scanned pictures.

My dad passed away 21 years ago this month. It was Father’s Day and Pentecost. He is sorely missed. I thought it would be a wonderful tribute to both of my parents to write this blog and share some of their pictures.

Enjoy this walk back in time! Please write any comments for my mom (now 89 years young) here on this blog, or on my Facebook post. I will be sure and share them with her.

xo Joanne

November 12, 2017April 11, 2018

Rock My World

My daughter Michelene and her rock. “There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.”

UPDATE! We will be installing our Kindness Rocks Garden on April 28 at 10am at The Rainbows End Playground, Findlay Township, PA. Come out and share in the dedication with us!!

You might remember that this past June I happened to be at Susquehanna University. It was there that I stumbled upon a Kindness Rocks Garden and stopped in my tracks. It captured my attention and so much so that I contacted my daughter’s childhood friend, Steph, who worked for the Recreation Department of Findlay Township.

I told Steph about the Kindness Rocks Garden and asked if there was a chance that we could make one in Clinton Park. “Sure!”, she said. And that was the beginning.

Since I am turning 60 this month, I wanted to do something to honor my friends and community. Creating this project filled the bill. On Thursday, November 9, about twenty new and old friends gathered to paint rocks and write inspirational sayings on them.

Armstrong Telephone gave us a grant and through them, we were able to buy all of the supplies. The Kindness Rocks website has a pdf form that makes it so easy to get everything you need. The oil based markers were terrific. We also had pre-painted about 25 rocks, just to get the evening started.

My deepest thanks to Steph, Findlay Township, and everyone who turned out! We will be creating the actual garden in Clinton Park this coming Spring of 2018. I promise to keep you posted here and on social media. If you live in the area and would like to make rocks for this project, feel free! We would welcome groups or individuals who love to create. Feel free to contact Findlay Recreation at 724-695-0500 extension 240.

Here’s what a fabulous evening it was.

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”
― Maya Angelou

June 9, 2017June 9, 2017

Kindness Rocks

I was on a girl’s weekend with a few of my friends. We happened to be at Susquehanna University, a beautiful campus with lots of quiet and flowers. I wanted to stay in the shade and decided to walk under a line of trees to keep cool.

Turning a corner, I saw the large flat stones. It stopped me right in my tracks. Here’s what it said.

How fitting that this should be on a college campus. So many people of all ages probably go to this school, work and study hard, and sit among the trees on a gorgeous day. Maybe on a tough day they need to see this. Perhaps they pick up a rock and take it back to their room. It’s possible it will make their day a little brighter.

I decided to be needy and so I took a rock. It said, “You are Worth It.” I love it. I brought it home and placed it in the soil of my growing fig tree. I hope the tree will note this message and feel free to grow tall and strong. I did briefly wonder if I should not take a rock since I didn’t have one to leave. I don’t think this is the main purpose. I think the rocks are there for the taking.

I would have loved to be in the room when these were being painted. How did the painters decide what quotes to choose? There were some rocks with only one word on them. Others had more sayings. Since then, I’ve looked up the Kindness Rocks website and wow, there are so many more wonderful rocks!

I told my friend Ms. Child about the Kindness Rocks. She thought maybe she’d start one in her area. Lo and behold she went on the website and it turns out there is one near her! She’s excited about creating some rocks of her own and visiting the project. How cool is that? To find out if there is a Kindness Rocks project in your area, click HERE.

This is bigger than you think. Check out the video.

I love this wonderful idea. A landmark birthday is looming this year and I’ve already reached out to my township to ask them for an opportunity to start a Kindness Rocks project in my local park. If you live near me, let me know if you’ll come and paint with me.

PS. The Kindness Rocks website is full of information! Many gorgeous rocks and a downloadable “how to” on the best materials to use.

December 18, 2014

Finding Holiday Peace of Mind

“The Simple Path
Silence is Prayer
Prayer is Faith
Faith is Love
Love is Service
The Fruit of Service is Peace”
― Mother Teresa

How are you finding holiday peace? I have to tell you- I am not finding it at big box retail stores. It’s not in the canned music on the radio station either.

Instead, I am finding peace through time with friends and family. I am also finding it through tiny bits of service.

I don’t have much extra money these days so I look for creative ways to serve others. Last week, a good friend of mine gave me a pail of dog food. She lost both her pets a few weeks ago and I said yes to the food for my dog Jordan. Here’s what happened on the way to my mom’s, less than an hour after she gave me that pail.

I was driving up a long hill and noticed a small dog running across the road. I slowed down. Then a young teenage boy appeared, running after the dog. I slowed down even more. Next thing you know, the dog runs back across the road and the boy is flailing his arms as if to stop traffic.

I remembered that dog food in the back of my car. I pulled over and flipped open my hatchback. I grabbed a handful, sat down on the ground, dropped the dog food next to me. Can you guess the rest?

I called the dog and here he comes. It takes less than one minute. The boy grabs the dog while it goes for the dog food. In between hugging his dog, the young man says at least three or four grateful thank you’s in a row. I said “thank you for helping me do a good deed today.”

My Grandson Gavin (L), Anna, My Daughter Michelene (R) making sandwiches!

At my church two weeks ago, fifteen plus volunteers assembled 240 ham sandwiches to make 120 lunches for the hungry families of FOCUS Pittsburgh, the Orthodox ministry center in the Hill District. Jim and I delivered them next morning and wow, was that a good feeling.

Small ways to serve, and BIG ways to serve. I read with interest the woman who went to Toys R Us in Bellingham, Mass and paid off $20,000 worth of layaways. (I wondered how much her personal wealth is. Maybe that was most of it?) Or 9 year old Jarrett who cashed in a $160 tablet he won in a school fundraiser, grabbed tags from the angel tree and bought gifts for 15 children. Amazing.

It’s nice to do great big things but it is also very fulfilling to do small things. I believe it doesn’t matter if you do non profit work for a living (I did for a long time). When I get paid for work, I don’t count it as service. We all have a few extra hours to do something for someone else less fortunate this holiday.

My friend Daleen recently wrote a post on keeping dollar bills handy for those Salvation Army buckets. I personally never pass one up. I give small amounts but when I think of those like me (who also give small amounts), I bet those add up to BIG amounts.

No matter your contribution, this is what I believe the season is really all about. Kindness, compassion, new birth and life. We owe it to ourselves and others to give in the most generous way we possibly can.

February 13, 2014March 12, 2014

My “Heart Throbs” for You!

Years ago, my first employment right out of college was as a recreation director for a faith based nursing and assisted living ministry.

I had my own office and thought I had reached the pinnacle of employment success. My responsibilities included programming all the activities for 40 nursing wing patients and 40 residents. Meals for them were all provided, meds dispensed, oh and by the way, they were all women.

The average age was 85. It was a challenge to do activities planning with seniors of such limited physical movement. So I planned birthday parties of the month, brought in entertainment, utilized my piano playing skills (yes mom and dad, this did pay off!) and even brought in dogs through an organization that catered to the elderly.

But my absolute favorite activity was Poetry Corner. At first, I had a large turnout but gradually the numbers dwindled. Soon, it was just me and Constance. I loved Constance. She was in her mid 80’s and had alot of spunk. She also had a chaise lounge in her room that I loved. I’ve had a fondness for them ever since! One of these days, I’m going to have myself a chaise lounge.

Constance loved poetry and instilled in me an even greater love of classical poetry. She had two “Heart Throbs” books and we read from them over and over again. If you’ve never heard of them, here is what the inside foreword had to say about volume two: “Following the first announcement of “Heart Throbs” six years ago has come the most fascinating experience ever allotted to publishers. This book, containing 840 selections made from the contributions of 52,000 people, has become a classic in thousands of homes and libraries. The simple bringing together of the favorite selections of the people has far transcended the results of any mere literary or editorial compilations.”

I grew so fond of the books that when I left my employment at the home, I asked Constance if I could have them. She said YES.

Since then, life, marriage, children have all taken precedence. I’ve not looked at the books much but I do bring them out every Valentine’s Day. I happened to think of Constance recently and my heart did a leap. Her face came into perfect view and I can remember her just like it was yesterday.

In honor of Constance, here is one of my favorite poems:

The Arrow and the Song

I shot an arrow into the air

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For, so swiftly it flew, the sight

Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For who has sight so keen and strong,

That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak

I found the arrow, still unbroke;

And the song, from beginning to end,

I found again in the heart of a friend.

Henry W. Longfellow

Happy Valentine’s Day!

June 27, 2013March 12, 2014

The Highest Form of Wisdom

I was working at the Jewish temple when I first saw the words. “The highest form of wisdom is kindness” was a quote from the Talmud. Later, I found those same words, artistically drawn on a plaque no less, at a common home goods store. I purchased it and it is hanging in my mudroom at this very moment.

Why does this quote mean so much to me?

Because it reminds me that though others may not be right about something, it is not always necessary for me to point this out to them.

For instance, Jim and I miscommunicated last week over a small matter. I knew I was right (of course) and he did the quick two step to try and cover up his own bad memory. On the spot, I decided it would do no good to hammer him about it or rub it in, so instead I decided to try a little humility. I said “Wow, I guess I completely forgot I said that to you”, thereby diffusing a tense situation and practicing kindness in the act.

And Jim, ever the good example of humankind said “Well Jo, that’s probably just how I remembered it.”

Now I know you’re going to say that some things are just worth arguing about and I agree. But there are times when I ask myself truly, is it worth it? Maybe I make a great argument for a point about something and rub my ego shiny in the process. But then what do I do with that? I am the fluffed up rooster, crowing my accomplishments and I forget about what’s really important.

What’s really important is that I treat everyone as if they are a child of God.

So this means I am respectful. I am kind. I try and look at another person’s perspective and if theirs doesn’t agree with mine, that’s ok. I will love them anyway. If another person’s bad behavior affects me, I can set some decent boundaries. But I never want to not be kind about it.

My recovery friends like to say Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? It’s basically the same thing as the Talmud but I do love this more simplified version. It’s worth it sometimes to give in just a little, for a center full of happiness.

“You can either practice being right or practice being kind.”
― Anne Lamott

How do you feel about kindness? Who do you practice kindness towards?

June 14, 2013March 12, 2014

The Radical Practice of Loving Everyone

As soon as I saw the title of this book, I knew I had to read it. “The Radical Practice of Loving Everyone” is a treat, a feast not only for the heart but also for the soul of anyone who is willing to take a few moments a day to learn more about unconditional love.

Honestly it took me a few weeks to get through it because you really shouldn’t read this book fast. I loved savoring a chapter or two, then really thinking about the lessons that Mollie, the hero of the stories, had imparted not only on her owner but the rest of us.

Mollie had a terrible start in life at an awful puppy mill, but thankfully Michael J. Chase and his wife latch onto her and nurse her through the first few ill months. After that, Mollie eats her way through heart and home as Michael tells witty stories and heartfelt lessons about the things Mollie teaches him.

Because even though Mollie is a dickens of a big poodle dog, always getting into trouble, wanting her own way and stealing cookies, she is an amazing judge of character (as many dogs are) as she wags her tail and makes friends with anyone.

The author, Michael J. Chase, is an inspirational speaker on KINDNESS, even has his own KINDNESS CENTER so that tells you right there he has his priorities straight. Early on in the book, he chronicles his search for a new spiritual teacher and while pondering his options, Mollie suddenly licks his face. He decides then and there that Mollie is the teacher he has been looking for.

My favorite story is about a walk that Michael and Mollie embark on, one day through their neighborhood. It is a carefully mapped route with a minimum of distractions and opportunities for Mollie to get into trouble. But on this day, Mollie has her own ideas. She plops her butt down and decides she is not going any further. Michael begs, pulls on her leash, offers snacks and pleads for movement but Mollie won’t budge. It begins to rain and they are getting soaked. Finally, exasperated, Michael asks her where she wants to go. He lets her lead and Mollie takes them on a beautiful walk, through new neighborhoods with lovely picturesque houses. Michael decides older dogs really can teach new tricks and the lesson is to move out of our comfort zones and try new things.

I hope you decide to give this amazing book a read. It would make a great present as well, especially for someone you know who loves animals and does acts of loving kindness.

This is my 100th post and I cannot think of a better way to celebrate than to review such a wonderful book! Thanks to WordPress for this Daily Prompt!

And here is my disclosure per Hay House Publishers. I get to choose the book I wish to review, it is given to me free of charge, and I am not compensated for my endorsement of this book. This review is my personal opinion. Thank you for reading!