Author: Joanne Jamis Cain

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Grace is…a whole lot less worry

I was driving home from Amy’s house last night and while I was at a stop light, I happened to notice a beautiful old white house with blue trim on a corner lot. Blue is really my favorite color lately as I like how it goes with my silver hair, which is getting more and more silvery every day.

The windows seemed bare in the house and then I noticed there was a “for sale” sign in the front yard. I took in the house briefly, noticed the tiny front yard and the busy intersection. I thought “tough sale” as boy, you’d really have to like that house to accept the tiny yard and all the noise from the intersection.

Dairy Queen
Dairy Queen (Photo credit: Lee Cannon)

But wait. There was a Dairy Queen across the street from the house. I was familiar with this Dairy Queen because I have stopped there numerous times on my way home from work. I used to work in the city and when traffic was overwhelming on the parkway, I’d go the back way. And sometimes, I’d stop at that Dairy Queen on my way home.

The DQ would almost make living there worthwhile. Just think of the ease in trotting across the street for a quick cone after dinner. (My favorite DQ treat is a soft serve cone). I really like vanilla and chocolate ice cream swirled together but will sometimes get all chocolate. If you know me well, you know I have a big weakness for chocolate.

The truth of course is I really have no desire to leave my house. Sometimes I get a bit worried about the day I may have to leave. Maybe someday my house will become too much for me; too much mowing, too much shoveling, and too much upkeep. That leads me to worry about Jim and whether we will grow old together, blah, blah, blah and so on and so on.

Sometimes, my mind loves to run away with outlandish scary thoughts. The committee in my head calls an emergency meeting and starts planning all sorts of solutions to my ridiculous problems. That’s when I stand up, as chairman of the committee, and announce that the meeting is over.

Grace is so much less trouble. So much less worry. When I turn my scared stuff over to God, it just melts away. I am lucky I can do this now. It used to be much harder. Thankfully, a little bit of Grace goes a long way.

I’m ready for a cone. How about you?

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A Tantalizing Tale

This tale begins with a toilet. A toilet that was giving us problems….

For the past year (I swear that’s how long it was going on!) we were having problems with our toilet. It would not flush well on occasion and as you can imagine, this was quite a frustrating situation.

We live in a small ranch style home, out in the country and we don’t have public sewage. We have a septic system and just one flushing toilet for the four of us.  It’s hard to believe this would be the case (only one toilet, you may ask?) but public sewage is coming our way so there’s no sense in taxing our already aging septic system with another toilet.

So one morning, I finally had it with the toilet that refused to flush decently. I sent my husband a text message and invited him to the local home supply store for an evening date. We’d have dinner somewhere then go pick out a new toilet (what an exciting date?! my one girlfriend noted). Jim text-ed back his confirmation- OK.

That evening, after a summer dinner of sandwiches and salad, we headed for toilet territory. While Jim was off in the garden center, I checked out the vast array of tantalizing toilet selections. There were rows of them, in all different shapes, sizes, heights and tank capacity sizes. My mind was boggled with toilet tank options, gallon capacities, and colonial white or regular white options.

Jim showed up to look over the toilets. Of course he was looking at the $200 toilets but frugal minded me was checking out the $98 ones. I couldn’t see what the heck you’d need an expensive toilet for anyway?

Enter Mark Lee. He was the home supply salesman who happened to walk down our aisle and ask if we needed help. He was young, tall and very handsome. He looked like he could be a magazine cover model in sexy jeans with no shirt on. (The young girls probably go crazy over him)  I took one look at him and decided, on the spot, that he likely knew nothing about toilets.

This is where I was wrong. Dead wrong. Mark Lee launched into a sales pitch worthy of an infomercial. The first thing he said was “You get what you pay for. This is an item you will use every day, many times” (he smiled when he said this and we did too).  Jim agreed of course and was probably relieved that thank goodness, here was an ally in his quest for a non-cheap toilet. Jim asked him which toilet he recommended and Mark Lee pointed to the gold standard of toilets- The American Standard.

Mark’s sales pitch lasted a couple of minutes. I remember the last thing he said, “And, this toilet will flush a bucket of golf balls…..” At this statement, Jim and I both raised our hands in the air and said “SOLD!” The next thing I knew we were wheeling a $239 toilet to the front desk.

Since then, I’ve realized a couple of things. The old adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is still true. Clearly, I made a judgment decision about Mark Lee that was dead on wrong. He was a spectacular salesman. Second, nothing beats a great flushing toilet with a smaller water tank capacity. I can just imagine what we’re saving on the water bill!

Footnote: Guess what was stuck in our old toilet? A PENCIL!

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After the Storm….Grace

Some of my closest friends and I get together at a lake house in Deep Creek, Maryland every year for a long weekend. We are blessed because one of our friends happens to own a beautiful lake house in Deep Creek and really, we can hardly believe our own good fortune.

So we all gathered at the house, beginning on Friday afternoon. We hung out down by the lake, soaked up the sun, caught up on each others lives. Some of my friends I had not seen since December so I was joyous and happy to be with them.

Usually on the first night we take it easy with dinner. Someone brings a frozen lasagna (yep, we’re real gourmets here), someone brings salad, and so on, including rolls, drinks and the requisite desserts. In this case, dessert was a delicious blueberry pie. You just can’t be without sweets during this lake weekend.

So we heated the lasagna, got dinner on the table and the sky became darker and darker. We moved inside in just enough time and then the storm hit. Thunder, lighting, wind, lots of rain. We kept talking, barely aware of all the nature goings on, until of course, the lights went out a few times. Then, the lights went OUT.

My friend Susan quickly gathered all her candles and lit them. We figured this would be a short inconvenience and heck the candles were so cozy we just laid back, kept talking and waited for the lights to come back on.

Here’s the thing. They never came back on.

Saturday morning we all woke up and still no lights. So we heated water on the stove (thank God it was gas), drank instant Chai and had coffee cake, banana bread and fruit. Some of the girlfriends had signed up for a garden tour so they prepared themselves as best they could (there were numerous jokes about a bad hair day) and off they went.

When they left, I hung out with my buddy, Samantha. We changed into bathing suits, sat on the dock and chatted. Later, I took a short nap, just because I could. I had planned to do dinner on the gas grill that night, so there was no stress about warming anything else up in the oven. It was a luxurious afternoon.

When the garden tour group returned, we were all treated to a long boat ride around the lake. The sky was a real stunner- gorgeous baby blue with fluffy marshmallow clouds. As the sun went down, the rays streamed through the clouds and touched the lake. I looked at my friends on the boat. I looked at the sky. It felt like a spiritual experience.

Here’s the Grace. Despite our lack of electricity, we laughed and had the best time. We lit candles when it got dark. We ran down to the lake with watering cans and empty gallon jugs to fill up with lake water, just so we could flush the toilets. Through all this, there was no complaining, no talk of leaving. We just made the best of it. We used dry shampoo, called ourselves Pioneer Women and slept with flashlights.

By Sunday afternoon, we reluctantly packed up our bags. It is never easy to leave the lake house and I think that each time we get together, it almost becomes harder to say good bye. We so enjoy each others company, love and accept each other so completely, and we know that our friendship is a true gift.

Truly…..Grace from God.

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Keeper of the Secrets

There was a time, long ago when I was not so great at keeping confidences. Actually, I was terrible at it. I grew up (like all young women?) loving a good juicy secret, whether it was true or not. And sometimes the details were just too irresistible to check out thoroughly before I passed them along. Whether I could help myself or not, I managed to get a great deal of pleasure from talking about others’ problems and Good Lord, the mess these people made of their lives.

Meanwhile, I was the one later who had a mess of a life going on….

Enter my friends, the ones who I latched onto when I really set out to work on myself spiritually. These friends taught me to mind my own business and respect the privacy of others. It took some time but eventually I overcame the urge to talk about people behind their backs (or to their face!). This was nothing short of a miracle. And, I have to say, it’s hard work. I needed (and still need) to remember that talking about others devalues me, disrespects a confidence and if I think well enough of myself, I don’t need to talk down about others to build myself up.

While my friends were teaching me about privacy and respect of others, they taught me something about secrets. Through their own generous acts of respect, they listened to my secrets and kept them as confidences. This was another miracle. It was a great leap of faith to talk about things that I was keeping inside of me, things that threatened at times to seriously bring me down. But here they were, listening…..and loving me anyway….secrets and all.

The upside, the greatest reward to all of this is that people now trust me with their own secrets. They know when they tell me something intimate, it will not go any further than my own ears. This is God’s Great Grace, I believe, to have been given the gift of confidential and respectful listeners and then, to be able to pay it forward.  I gave my secrets to others and now, I have been chosen by a few close friends to be their Keeper of the Secrets.

So I listen to stories of troubled pasts from my comrades, bits and pieces that represent good (and not so good) portions of their lives. When I do this listening, I am silently loving and praying for them. They tell me their shortcomings and again, I love them anyway. Things they suffer from shame about, things they think no one could love them through… and yet I love them even more. I am not sure why this spiritual work has been given to me but perhaps I am not here to question it. My responsibility is to continue to love and accept unconditionally those who choose to confide in me.

This trust, this confidence speaks volumes to me. I will never, ever take it for granted. Again, it is an opportunity to pay back over and over the great gifts that have been given to me. The gifts my friends gave me so freely, way back when I knew not what their real value was.

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
― C.G. Jung

Thank you again to Cally Jamis Vennare, for these beautiful pictures!

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5 Things My Dad Taught Me

Boy, was he handsome!

What can I say about my Dad? He was many things to me- father, role model, confidante and best friend. In my earliest recollections of him and in pictures, he was a happy go lucky guy, a huge presence with a big voice and a firm handshake. Everyone knew him as “Big Mike”. He had many friends, he loved to dance and he knew how to have a good time.

Dad was 6’4″ tall, a BIG GUY and he and my mom together raised three daughters. This, I think, must have been his worst nightmare at times, as his parents were Greek immigrants and Greeks, in my opinion, are STRICT with their daughters! He was no exception to this fanatical rule.

Here are some special things I remember about my dad. When he finally gave me permission to go to the prom in eleventh grade, there were tears in his eyes (initially he told me NO), he brought a football to the hospital when my son was born (remember, he had three daughters), he took me to car auctions where we ate hot dogs and sauerkraut (my mom hated sauerkraut and never made it!). Also, he loved chocolate covered peanuts and bushels of hard shell crabs.

Here are the 5 most important things my Dad taught me:

1. Love people for who they are. My Dad sold cars made in Japan (Nissans) when they first came to the USA. He was a top turret gunner in the Air Force during WWII but he held no prejudices.

2. Live Life to the fullest. Work hard but play hard and enjoy yourself. Dad loved to invite his buddies over for loud Greek music, shots of Ouzo and midnight dancing in the living room.

3. Have integrity. I sold cars with him for a few years. Once, I made a bottom line deal on a car and the buyers pulled out a newspaper ad for $100 off any car. I was ticked. My Dad said, “Honor it”.

4. There is no substitution for good salesmanship. Dad would look people in the eye, compliment them and always find something of common interest to talk about. To this day, my sisters and I share this character trait and I know we got it from him.

5. Do what you say. If he told you he was going to be somewhere at a certain time, he was there. He did not go back on a promise. He taught us to be on time, be responsible and STEP UP.

Dad passed away 15 years ago on Father’s Day, 1997. When I tell people this it always brings forth a sad comment. But at that time, I saw his humor in choosing that day to go. I could just picture him saying, “You’ll not forget me now!” Truly Dad, that would be impossible.

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Early Morning Grace

Dawn in Captiva

I was never an early morning person.

My favorite thing to do (always) was to sleep in. Even when my kids were little, we all loved staying in bed until 10am or so. As they got older and started school, sleeping in became a luxury that was only to be revived during summer vacation.

Lately though I have become an early riser. It started with a job I began over six years ago; a job I needed to rise at 5:30am for. I was fine as long as it was spring and summer but boy, in the dead of winter was it tough!

Fast forward to my new job, the one I’ve had for the last year, the one that is only a seven minute drive from my house. I could easily stay in bed until 7 or 7:30am but I find myself up at 6:30am, almost like clockwork.

Maybe it’s that as I get older, I no longer mind not sleeping in. Maybe 6:30am is really sleeping in, compared to my last job. What I really think it’s about is The Early Morning. I just love The Early Morning.

If you are an Early Morning Riser you know what I’m talking about. The sun slowly comes up, the birds are singing, singing, singing. The world is yawning and so am I. My coffee pot (which I set up to brew before I wake) automatically has made me the most delicious coffee of my day. My yellow lab, Jordan, is so happy to see me because my rising means she gets breakfast and a chance to go outside.

When I walk Jordan outside, I occasionally bump into a deer in the back yard. We exchange a curious look and then he runs off to his next vegetarian meal. I check the sky. It’s baby blue with a touch of white cloud today. I smile at the beauty of it all.

Here Comes the Sun

When I was in Florida last week, I could have easily slept in every day. There was no job to go to, no dog to feed, no clothes to be thrown in the washer. But yet I found myself wanting my coffee on the balcony of our condo as soon as the sun came up. Many a morning I sat there with my mom and sisters, just enjoying the sunrise.

What is it that I love about The Early Morning? I love that it is a chance to be alone with my source of Grace, my Higher Power. I can’t always hear God when my day gets going because well, there’s just too much chatter. Too many distractions. At the beginning of the day, there is clarity, wisdom and opportunity. There is prayer, meditation and connection with the earth and the beauty that abounds in all of nature. I try and not take this beauty for granted.

As you look at these pictures of the sunrise in Captiva, I hope you will feel a bit of the serenity and awe that is present when we take the time to greet the sun. It is so worth it to get up just a bit early and catch something of such great beauty. May you be Graced by an Early Morning Sunrise!

There It Is!
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Serenity Sunday

What is it about returning from a week’s vacation that is so…..well….(what’s the best word to describe what falling off a mountain feels like?)…. Painful?

Honestly, does it have to be so darn real? I would think with all the rest and relaxation I got in a whole week of doing nothing, my batteries would be charged up and I’d be ready to tackle the world!

But, after a day of travel yesterday, I found myself pretty crabby last night. Was it just tiredness or the re-entry to reality? I am still not sure. Maybe I was just missing the beach, the water, the palm trees, the egrets….

So this morning I woke up, still slightly melancholy. I know what I need to do. Today is about me- taking it easy, helping my mom get back into her house and, if I’m feeling up to it, a bit of yard work. Also, counting my gratitudes and blessings will right my restless state of mind.

So I’ve dubbed today “Serenity Sunday”. What better way to ease back into my real life and cut myself a break?

Thanks once again to my sister Cally, who took this great picture of the beach on our last day. It brings a smile to my face and Grace to my Heart!

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That Which We Manifest

Day Five of our Captiva vacation and I am smitten by this beautiful town. Our condo is just perfect and the view from our balcony simply stunning. I can hardly believe I am here.

Boats of various sizes come and go in front of us all day. There is a beautiful pool here that overlooks, miraculously, the Gulf waters. My sisters and I are free to float along while my mom basks in a deck chair and listens, through earphones, to her favorite Greek singer. Sometimes it seems like we have the whole place to ourselves.

The boats going by are a study in contrast. Some are very large sailboats with gorgeous white sails. Others are large with a pointy front and I am guessing those are speedboats. Still others are smaller, powered by one or two people and I imagine a retiree, fishing to his or her content. There are lots of fish here and they are very happy, it seems, as I have never seen fish that jump out of the water, arch and flop back in.

On the horizon, the sky feels so close I want to reach out and touch the clouds. If you look up from your spot in the pool, you can watch them float by. Time, for us and the clouds, is plentiful this week.

The most interesting thing happened yesterday morning. A tall legged egret we noticed on day one has come every day to drink water from the pool. So far, he has only come when no one is around. Yesterday he appeared while Mary and I were floating along, just minding our own business. I dubbed him “Mr. Heron” because I initially assumed he was  a heron (we researched him later!). He was so graceful in his movements as he walked along- his long black legs at a slow, thoughtful pace. He was keeping an eye on us, but his desire for cool water must have been great. We were only a few feet away from him as he lowered his head to the pool, took a few sips, looked up and slowly walked away. My love for birds manifested itself yet again in the display of grace and serenity by this beautiful egret.

I left my family behind in Pennsylvania and there are moments this week when I wonder what they are doing. Does Jordan has enough water to drink? Is Gavin enjoying his last few days of school? If worry creeps in I remind myself of my goal this week- to relax and enjoy my mother and sisters. I’m sure everyone at home is just fine.

I keep thinking of a phrase today-”that which you manifest…..”. I had to look it up on the internet to find out the rest. I wanted to share it with you…

“That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.”
― Garth Stein

I feel grateful today that I am in this beautiful place. May you manifest whatever it is that your heart desires…

Thank you to my sister Cally for these beautiful pictures!

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Beach Wisdom

I’m taking off tomorrow morning, headed for a week in Captiva, Florida. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this, especially since I am going with my mom, Katherine, and my sisters, Mary and Cally. Yes, it’s definitely a Girls Week for us!

My mom is 83 now and I think it’s great that the four of us are banding together again for some rest, relaxation and fun. The last time we went away together was to Greece four years ago. We had a blast! In Greece, we ate the most amazing food, swam in beautiful waters, and saw some of the most beautiful sights in the world. It was an unforgettable experience.

These days, Life is so busy. If I don’t take the time to recharge my inner battery at least once or twice a year, I start to burn out. Getting away is how I reconnect with myself and reflect on all my blessings and gratitudes. Making this a priority, even with financial pressures, is important. And sometimes inexpensive getaways are to be found, with just a little asking and exploration.

Back to the BEACH. What is it about the beach that draws me in and comforts me? When I see the Gulf waters or the Atlantic Ocean, somehow I feel like I am with an old friend. She reminds me to slow down, take a moment, and rest. How can you help not relaxing when you’re sitting on a sandy beach? Growing up, my family went to Ocean City Maryland for a week in August just about every year. We knew the town like the palm of our hand. My sisters and I would battle waves, get a great tan, play boardwalk games and eat seafood galore. Maybe that’s why, to this day, I have a special fondness for the Atlantic Ocean.

Since then, I’ve explored other beach areas along the east coast and the Gulf of Mexico. I am looking forward to exploring yet another new beach town- Captiva. And I’m sure we’ll visit Sanibel Island- a place I have heard utterly enchanting things about. I am guessing the week will be beautiful, relaxing and hard to break away from!

I’ll be thinking of you. Are you taking a vacation this summer? Where is your favorite vacation spot? Where do you re-charge your inner batteries?

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The Special Grace of Animals

I have to admit, I am a lover of animals.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved dogs, cats, horses, hamsters, birds- most any kind of domesticated animal. Being a nature girl, I am also drawn to wild creatures, especially deer and turkeys (yes, I especially love turkeys!), and beautiful birds like cardinals and hummingbirds.

Most of my friends have pets. If you want to get someone really talking, just ask them about their favorite Lucky or Lady. It’s the easiest icebreaker of all.

A Young Casper

I have a special pet cat. His name is Casper. He was a birthday present to my daughter from her girlfriend, probably sixteen or seventeen years ago. I’m guessing that “Casper, The Friendly Ghost” was probably the big movie hit at that time. We have had numerous other cats and dogs but Casper has survived them all.

What amazes me is Casper was diagnosed years ago with feline AIDS. How he has ever lived this long is a true mystery to us. He is free to roam our large yard, eats mostly dry food, gets plenty of fresh water and sunshine. He has rarely taken medicine. Perhaps this is the key to kitty longevity.

Lately, we have been especially mindful of Casper simply because of his age. He doesn’t see well anymore but he keeps eating and, he keeps performing all of his necessary bodily functions. To me, this means he is doing ok. He doesn’t cry and he still loves to be stroked and scratched lightly.

I have been watching Casper in the morning as he searches for the sun. He will find it and either he sits very still or lays down to soak it up. I watched him this morning and the one word that came to my mind was prayerful.

Prayerful Casper

I can take a lesson from Casper on being still. Sometimes when I am worried about something or a bit knotted up, he reminds me to take it easy, one day at a time. He clearly has the mantra down pat; he is the walking poster child for serenity. In his younger days, he climbed trees and was an excellent mouser. Now he is content to spend his remaining days in luxurious devotion to the sun.

No matter what animal we love, we are the lucky ones, aren’t we? My husband loves the saying, ” I want to be everything my dog thinks I am”. My son John, as a child, would lay down on the ground to be at face level with Casper. He would lightly stroke Casper’s head and look lovingly at him. I believe we can feel the soul of an animal if we are quiet and take the time to connect.

“With their qualities of cleanliness, discretion, affection, patience, dignity, and courage, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?” –Fernand Mery Her Majesty the Cat

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